Is anyone still out there???

It has been FOREVER since I last logged on to my blog. I have been contemplating writing on it again because facebook seems to be too... public. Blogs have a little more anonamiaty, which is nice when not everyone likes your opinions!Anyway, just checking to see who still blogs. Maybe I'll post something in a day or two.

I am taking a writing class in school right now. I'm writing essay after essay. Analytical, persuasive, personal... honestly it has taken the joy out of blogging. It makes it feel like homework. Once my writing class is over, I'll be back (and hopefully a better writer). See ya this summer!!!!!!! ~Karlie

Foolish in Who's Eyes?

It seems like I never get on here anymore, unless I have something to gripe about. So can you guess why I'm writing today? Yup, gripe fest.

So, here is the deal.....

My 13 year old daughter wants to be home schooled next year. At first I thought, "no way", UNTIL she gave me her reasons why. It is her last year of middle school and while she is eager to attend high school, she would like one more year to learn all the things she feels she can only learn at home. She wants one more year to focus on learning without the distractions of "teen drama". She wants to learn to cook better, balance a check book, pour over scriptures. One last year, just her and her mom, before the crazy high school years begin. I think she knows the clock is ticking towards her adulthood.

So how, HOW? can I deny a request like this? I mean, I've always been open to the idea of homeschooling again, if God leads, so I figured if after prayer, if I felt God's go ahead, I would plan to keep Zoe home next year.

So, now for the frustration part. I told my mother about this plan, and she all but flipped out on me. She treated me like I was foolish for even considering this. Zoe is doing very well in school, and I am back in school myself. Basically the conversation went like this. "Oh, you are not REALLY going to do this are you? finally when you start to make something of yourself... you go and do this."

Can I for the record state that this comment hurt me more deeply than I thought possible?

I have never been one to care about a career. I've always loved being a mother and wife. I'm not kidding, I pity those who are in a career and leave young children at home. But to have your own mother confess after all these years that she was disappointed in your choices... it hurts.

She went on to tell me how smart and mature my kids are, then mumbled something about good genes. Good genes? NO... GOD! My kids are good because we put GOD first in our family, and did what he told us to when it came to raising our children.

I still plan to go to school, regardless of what we decide for next year. Online courses make that quite possible, but my youngest will be in middle school when I graduate, what if God calls me to home school him? I guess I'll look like a fool, put the job on hold and OBEY!

Its hard to not live to please people. I so badly want my mothers approval, but I'd rather let her down than God.

If putting my God and my family first make me a looser in this world.... so be it.

Contemplating Consumerism...

My closets are full of clothes I seldom wear. My shelves are lined with books I will only read once. My fridge is so crammed with food, that expired sour cream and wilted lettuce is bound to create useless waste. Toys flow over creative (and expensive) storage units that grace my children's rooms in Pottery Barnesque style. Video games, movies, shoes, makeup, coffee mugs, curriculum... endless seas of home school curriculum, hot wheel cars, Lego pieces, dolls, cat toys, dishes, floral arrangements, seasonal decorations, boxed up art, unused scrap booking supplies... or card making.. or quilting..., AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

How much money has been spent on useless crap???????

I'm not against my kids getting toys, or buying myself a cute pair of shoes, but as I look at the grotesque amount of "stuff" we have accumulated, I am ashamed.

Our little church has a $3500.00 deficit. You know, $3500 really isn't all that much, but to them, it is huge. When I look around my house and see the THOUSANDS of dollars we have spent on nothingness, it makes me sick. SICK. While I can't come up with $3500 to give our church, I have somehow found endless $$$ to fill my home with useless junk.

My priorities have been wrong.

Oh, but I did tithe. For years and years I tithed to a big church that spent the money on useless junk too. Fake plants, granite bathrooms, special speakers. My last church spent $100,000 on a fundraising "specialist" who came in and tried to guilt us out of MORE money. Why? So we could build a coffee shop! Oh, and more granite and $400 silk fica trees.

I've had the "give to our church and you will be blessed financially by God" speech shoved down my throat more times than I can stomach. It was all about greed. Greed of the church (sorry folks, but taking credit card payments from it's members to put granite in a bathroom IS greed). Greed of it's members. Yes, I'll give money to the church bathroom beautification fund because I want God to bless me with MORE STUFF!!!

What ever happened to giving to your church because you believe in it's purpose? Because your heart wants to see the word of God spread? Because you know they will use the money wisely to help the body of believers? What happened to giving just for the joy of giving?

You know what I think? I think they can shove the prosperity movement up their ....

Now I stand at the doors of a modest church, and I have nothing left to give. I strongly agree with the principles of sowing and reaping. I have sowed tithes of greed into a corrupt church. I have sowed my finances into consumerism. Now a true place of worship lays crumbling at my feet,
and I feel powerless to do anything about it.

What should we do? We planted seeds of greed, watered it with a love of money, and now we as a nation are harvesting our own nightmare. Where do we go from here?


I look at Acts 4:34-35 Neither was there any among them that lacked: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold, And laid them down at the apostles' feet: and distribution was made unto every man according as he had need.

Is this how we will survive? Is this how my church will keep it's doors open? Who are the apostles? Who can we trust?

I am not hopeless. I sense that God can and WILL work in this situation. He is pulling the weeds out of my life as we speak, I imagine he is doing the same for much of the church. Maybe the church will emerge from this, ready to make an impact. A clear focus on Christ without ladies luncheons, super sound systems and sparkly bathrooms in the way.

25 Random Things about me

I was tagged over at facebook, and I'm too lazy to write two different posts, so here are 25 Random Things about me (most you have already read during a previous tag)


1. Uh, I'm drawing a blank here. This may be harder than I thought.

2. I'm WAY too interested in Politics... it's just not healthy ( :

3. I almost always read non fiction, but have recently been reading "fluffy" novels. What's up with that????

4. I get excited by theology. I can't resist a good conversation about theology... or politics for that matter... or Thai food (see I'm well rounded).

5. I really, REALLY like to shop.

6. Right now I'm on a pilates kick. Sadly I'm also on a mozerella stick kick. Balance.

7. I'm not that worried about the economy because
1. I've got a great garden space in the back
2. I've got a really fat dog. Hey, don't knock it, they eat them in China.

8. OK, I'll admit it. I'm actually a "little" worried about the economy.

9. For the record, Obama is NOT the anti christ. Nancy Pelosi however..... : )

10. I 'm very sarcastic.

11. I'm actually pretty old fashioned. I like to bake my own bread, raise my own children, grow my own vegetables, order take out, buy new socks when I'm too lazy to find the matches... I'm a regualr pioneer woman!

12. I ADORE Hip Hop.

13. The best food on the planet is Indian or Thai. I'd choose Pad Thai or Matteer Paneer with Naan over meat and potatoes ANY DAY.

14. I don't like meat.

15. I do like cookies.

16. God and my family are the most important things to me.

17. Hiking and exploring is my favorite family hobby.

18. My heart's desire is to travel more. We are planning a trip to Greece, but it's 3 years out. Right now, even a weekend at the coast sounds nice.

19. I am not easily offended. It takes a lot to make me angry, but when I do get mad.... I am brilliant at getting even.

20. I pretty much like everyone. Although I'm not that fond of bikers, in there little tight shorts and funny helmets, riding at a leisurely 20 miles an hour in the center of my country roads... when I'm really late for an appointment.

21. The coolest professions: stay at home moms, farmers, authors, non corrupt pastors (there are a few), Sephoria sales girls, bankers, and Oreo cookie makers.

22. I'm going to learn to speak Spanish this summer! Mostly so I can understand what the Hispanic boys at the middleschool are saying about me. Maybe I'd rather NOT know.

23. I like exercise.

24. I'm very girly. Lip gloss, shoes, pink hearts, pretty dresses, jewelry.... cheap beer and toe nail biting.

25. Baseball makes me happy! I can't play worth a darn, and I think the guys on the church league team were secretly lobbying to get me removed, but I don't care. Once out of every hundred pitches, I hit the ball. It makes a little klank noise as the ball rolls a foot or two passed me and I run like crazy. My favorite team is the Royals, and they suck nearly as bad as I do, so it's all good!

Second Chances

In high school I had a best friend who ended up taking a very different route in life than I. While I got married, had kids, went to church, she became addicted to Meth, had several children from different fathers, and made money in unthinkable ways.

We had not talked since high school, but I would hear stories of what had become of her. Several years back she called me. She was in a rehab center, and had been talking about the people who meant the most to her. She called me to tell me that person was me.

Even though I was a Christian at the time, I turned my back on her. I told her that her lifestyle wasn't something I could deal with and told her not to call me again. I had two little babies at home and one on the way, and I was afraid. Afraid to reach out.

For years I regretted that phone call. As God has convicted me over the years to not fear the lost but love them, she has come into my thoughts and prayers again and again. I've often prayed for a second chance. A second chance to love her as she is... as Christ would. To share with her a God that could wash away her sins... like he did mine.

Last night I thought of her again. For the first time, I decided to search for her on the Internet. Several hours later I came up with nothing. Again, I offered up a silent prayer for her.

Today my husband called me. Guess who called him today? YES! It was her! Through a very complicated web of events, she had ended up with his work number. It had NOTHING to do with my web search the night before... but EVERYTHING to do with GOD!

I called her the first free second I had. My first thought was of how rough she was. She talked like a hard woman. Only 32 years old, she sounded every bit of it and then some. She was raising three kids on her own, working several jobs to pay the bills, puffing an a cigarette as we spoke.

Our lives are worlds apart. I was almost embarrassed to share about my comfortable life. I have had it SO good. She... has not.

After several minutes of talking, she started to talk about her hobbies. She shared how she goes downtown to minister to the drug addicts on the streets. How 9 years ago (right after our phone call) her life changed when she met God. God delivered her from drug addiction, and now her mission in life is to see others delivered as well.

I sit here in awe. My ex drug addict friend is doing more for the kingdom of God right now than I ever DREAMED of doing. She is reaching people only she can reach. I can see her now, in the worst part of town, cigarette in hand proclaiming Gods love. THAT is beautiful to me. BEAUTIFUL.

LOOK AT WHAT OUR GOD CAN DO!!!!!!!!!

I asked for a second chance to save her, but clearly I didn't need one. GOD does the saving, with or without me. But God DID give me a second chance to love her.

...There is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away! Luke 15:7

I Wanna Be The Biggest Loser

OK, I'll admit it. I'm addicted to the show The Biggest Loser. I love to watch these people transform from severely over weight, to near PERFECT figures. Gives me hope for myself I guess. I mean, if they can loose 150 pounds, I should be able to loose 20 right???

WRONG!

I am finding it so utterly impossible to shed these 20 pounds (I'd even be happy with 10) that I feel like I want to quit trying! I feel like the ability to do it on my own is just not there. If you noticed from my previous post, I didn't even bother with any New Years resolutions. No promises of weight loss and exercises, because I'm tired... TIRED of letting myself down!

I've tried to eat only when hungry. I've tried to count calories, cut carbs, count points, exercise away the pounds (and I LOVE to exercise... I know, I'm weird). I've tried other nameless not so healthy methods. I've tried the emotional route, the give it over to God route. I still have nothin'.

Then it dawned on me. I need to join the biggest loser! I can see it now.

Biggest Loser Music plays as I come on screen....
Here is Karlie, a stay at home mom to four who can't get her jeans buttoned. I'll be wearing the horrible little sports bra ensemble when they take me up in front of the world to weigh me. As I step on the scale it will beep and then as the crowd gasps, it will go to a commercial break.

After you have watched adds about Special K and Britta water filters, I'll be back on screen, 1/2 naked with a small roll of fat hanging over my overly tight spandex shorts. That bratty little blond chick will look at me with pity and say "Karlie, at 5'6, you weigh 156 pounds. You are officially the most mentally messed up contestant we have ever had on the Biggest Loser."


At this point I will cry (like they all do) and say "never again, will I be this way."

Then I will go on to weeks of 1200 calorie diets, and 8 hours of exercise per day ( I learned that little tid bit in People.)

Then after the show is over, I'll come back on the finale. I'll have a new wardrobe, and a new hair style (all courtesy of TV of course) and a spray on tan. I'll be some obnoxious size (like zero) and have professionally whitened teeth.

My kids might freak out, because I don't look like their mom anymore, but it would all be worth it right?

OK, OK, I don't REALLY want all THAT. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I just don't want to feel fat anymore. I know part of the problem is my own brain.... but I really do see great value in health. Yet I just can't seem to make it happen.

Anyone with me on this?

Ego Girl Wishes you all a Happy New year... and other gossip!

I'm a few days late on my New Years post, but 2009 should be a year of may adventures for us!

The biggest change??? College. I'm going back. One of the best things about getting pregnant at 18, was that I didn't have a chance to rack up THOUSANDS of $$$ of college debt. Not having mega college loans to repay allowed me to stay home with my babies, home school (yes, I WAS qualified to teach them without a degree), and do all those other magnificent house-wifey things.

Now I look at my babies, all nearing birthdays that will make them 13, 11, 9, and 7. time is FLYING by. I've had to take a good look at what I want to do when they are gone, how will we help with THEIR college, etc. I looked at the fact they are still far to young for me to go into the work force and leave them to fend for themselves, but the time is coming... sigh.

I have been subbing occasionally at the kids school, and have fallen in love with teaching, especially the struggling kids. I've spent quite a bit of time helping the "special ed" kids. Who quite frankly are just kids with tough back grounds or different learning styles, who just need a bit of encouragement, and one on one time.

So, I looked at the possibility of a job in special education. Great benefits, summers and school holidays off. Hmm, sounded good. So I went to the college to find out about a loan. Ugh, the yucky debt part. Would you believe there is a shortage of special ed teachers, and the government will forgive 70% of your loan if you teach special ed for 5 years! Now THAT is an answer to prayer.

I start in March. All my classes fall within my kid's school hours, and I only have classes on Tuesday and Thursday, leaving three days to maintain my stay at home mommy status. In four years, I'll be 35. My youngest will be 11, and my oldest will be getting ready for college herself... GASP. Time is flying. FLYING I tell ya! Anyway, I may take a full time job as a teacher, but I'll still be home after school with my (it hurts to say it) teenagers, home for the summers, etc.

Oh, and I forgot to mention the best part... I have to take P.E. which means I am required to go to the gym 3xs a week to pass. Talk about motivation eh? Oh, and the membership is covered by financial aid. WOO HOO!

OK, so enough about the school thing (can you tell I'm insanely excited?).

My New Year's was awesome. My brother took us snowboarding. My hubby is a total natural... so are my boys. I however am not super skilled in that area. Still, It was crazy fun, and I'd do it again in a heart beat.

We ushered in the New year with several friends and a $90 bottle of French wine (that we DIDN'T buy). Spent the rest of the evening having WII battles (I am totally addicted to WII Fit).

On another note, we decided to become members of our little church. That is a huge step for us. Actually, I wanted to run a women's bible study, and was told that they would like us to be members first, so here we go. It seems so official! Really, if you knew how BIG this was for me and my husband (and our slight church phobia) you'd say "Good job on the commitment!"

Now for the bad and good news of 2009.

The bad news? Right after we decide we are finally ready for a commitment, our pastor says he's leaving. Going to Uganda to become a missionary. WHAT? I am totally happy for him, I really am. I can see God's hands all over this, but I did tell him that he'd better NOT be replaced by a fire and brimstone kinda guy... or a mega church man. "Cause I just committed to this church"! Grrr.

The good news?

My daughter came home angry the other day. When I asked her why, she replied, "because all the high school boys keep telling me how hot you are mom." Now I know... this is slightly disturbing on one level, but do you know how stinkin' good it feels? Hello ego! Seriously, I often feel like a fat old frumpy mom. This kinda thing will fuel my confidence for a year!!!! Gayle... I know you understand.

Did I confess that I am far too vain????

I have no grand resolutions to confess for 2009. No other big changes to report. So I'll end this post with...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!

The Reason We Orbit Around the Son

Sometimes I start feeling down. The snow won't melt and I'm stuck in my house. The grocery bills keep getting higher. The holiday "goodies" have added a few pounds to the mid-section. These all sound like little things, but I can make them HUGE. Seriously, I can lose sleep over a few pounds (although I'm a bit mental that way).

I've been feeling pretty low, in the world that orbits around me. Being self centered has a tendency to do that. I've been ignoring God. I really don't know why. I just have been avoiding him.

Today at church I had a "moment". I was worshiping, and having a bad attitude about it, when a song caught me off guard. "We all fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus." I'm not sure what happened. All I know is that the Holy Spirit hit me hard. I could feel it so physically, I was worried I'd have a Toronto moment, right there in my little conservative church!

My heart God's again... in just that moment. WOW!

The sermon was by some homegrown missionaries, serving in Uganda. I heard about little girls sold into prostitution at 8... for a bag of sugar. They told us how most men beat their wives, because that is how things are done, and how the "wives" can't ever escape because they have NO way to care for themselves and their children. We were told that they drink the same water that they defecate in, and dump their dead, and pour gasoline in, and then wonder why their babies die of ecoli. We heard how they lock away their handicap children. We learned that they don't have families... just many partners, and many children. They don't parent... they don't know how. Their lives are so incredibly void of God, that they have no morals, only fear and misery. Yet they are people just like us, with feelings, and sadness, and SO in need of a little hope... of a savior.... but they are afraid to know him. How very sad.

My world seems a little brighter right now. I am thankful for education, and toilets, and handicap rights. I'm thankful for clean water acts, and medicine, and families! I am thankful that my girls live in a country where they CAN provide for themselves if need be... where they can learn, and love, and be loved by their husbands.

We are so blessed that God is here. Here in America. This country WAS founded on Godly principles, and we are still reaping the results.

Today I saw what the Godless looked like, and it broke my heart.

A man centered world leads to despair.

God NEEDS to be the center.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

In the busy last minute Christmas preparations, I found a moment in between batches of cookies and bread to hop on the computer and wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS! I love you all! ~Karlie

Church in Mayberry

There is a thick layer of snow covering my driveway. My heater is chugging along, trying to keep my century old farm house above 60. The kids are off at school thanks to my husbands over priced 4 wheel drive truck (which I am currently grateful for). All the business that has kept me away from housework, projects, and blogging has suddenly ceased. I wouldn't dare take my little white chick car on the roads. I tried last year and ended up walking... 5 kids in tow... and a month of "I told you so's".

Another year of being trapped out in the middle of nowhere. However this year, I don't mind so much. I seem to have lost the ability to "slow down". So I am grateful for being stuck here "nowhere".

We have ended up at a little church by our kids school. The town feels like Mayberry. Quaint and pretty. Old Victorians and a general store. I could swear there is a time warp that has kept that place in the 50's. If you have read any of the Harmony books, you know my town.

It's hard to take a city girl and place her in a small town... it's even harder to place her in a small church where the music hasn't changed in 60 years, nor has the body.

It's a solid church. I think there are maybe 6 or 7 other families, a nice handful of kids, and dozens of elderly. The old ladies bake cookies every Sunday. Gossip is huge, but what else do you do in Mayberry? Anyway, they are SO happy we are there. A new family... UNDER 50. That's a big deal and BIG gossip. They think we are a model family. My husband has a good reputation in town. We dress well, behave well. Ugh, if only they could see my heart. I'm trying to step off that pedestal before I fall.

The pastor is great. His sermons range from brilliance to... weird. Last week he talked about the birth of Jesus, however, he was pretending to be Mary. In a thick accent he started talking about his privates hurting. Then as the labor progressed, he started moaning. I turned to my husband and said "if he starts pushing, I'm leaving". Luckily, he didn't go there.

Oh I hope it works. This church I mean. I don't think we could handle another huge upset. Not for along time. Seriously, if we find out they are sacrificing cats in the basement or something, were done. DONE! We are so fed up with church CRAP right now, I just pray that God has us somewhere safe. I truly feel our walk with the church is on it's final leg. I don't want to be another church casualty, where I say "Christian's killed my faith in church... but not God." Not that my faith should be in the church anyway.....

Moving on.

Angry

I'm angry.

I have a CLOSE friend who's husband's lung collapsed. He has been in the emergency room for nearly a week. I just found out today.

My pastor's wife (another close friend) has had her kids, and been in prayer over the situation.

I'm not mad because no one told me about this... I am not mad because this was kept a "secret" from the congregation. I am mad at WHY this was kept a secret.

The pastor suggested that only a "select" few should know about this, because if EVERYONE knew, they might be inclined to pray. What's the problem with prayer? According to my pastor, those who do not know how to pray in "faith" could cause this man to die. If someone perchance prayed for God's will instead of demanding healing, it could ruin this man's chances of recovery.

I couldn't help but argue with this reasoning as my pastor's wife told me this over the phone. "Isn't God's grace big enough to cover those of us that don't pray the exact right words? Isn't our God sovereign enough to heal with the humble prayers of a New Christian? Isn't it damaging to the body to claim that their prayers might be hurtful?"

I don't know about you, but I believe God welcomes ALL communication. God can use ALL prayers and work them together for GOOD!

I guess what I'm really angry about, is my knack for always ending up in really screwed up churches, with wacked theology.

The Birds and The "Tadpoles"

The dinner tables brings out all sorts of interesting conversations in our family. Tonight my 8 1/2 year old son told us (out of the blue) that in 10 years his friend R***** wanted to have sex with a woman. All of our mouths hit the floor. We excused my 6 year old (with the lure of video games) and asked our son if he knew what sex was. He said "nope, but I sure am curious".

Rather than have him get his information inaccurately at school, my husband called my son into the bedroom and said "it's time for us to have a little talk". So off they went... into the land of no return.

As I was clearing the table I could hear giggles and "OH GROSS" coming from the bedroom. After what seemed like a century my son emerged with a knowing look on his face. The first thing he did was holler at his brother "hey, G*** guess WHAT..." At that moment I realized that my husband had left out one of the MOST important parts of "The Talk" DON'T TELL OTHERS. I quickly pulled him aside and told him that he was to keep his new knowledge to himself. "OK mom, but I can't believe you and dad did that FOUR TIMES (we have 4 kids)!" Clearly he wasn't listening.

Moments later his older sisters walked in the room. My son turned to them with that same "knowing look" and before I could stop him yelled out "Guess what! In a few years I'll be able to shoot tadpoles out my wiener."

My husband is now banned from giving the sex talks.

Death Of The "Church Lady"... The REAL Get Revival!

I know the idea of fellowship and bible study should sound appealing, but last night I would have sold my favorite (make me look skinny) jeans to not have to go. I dreaded the prospect of sitting in a room listening to one particular person rant on and on, while the rest of us stare aimlessly into nothing, offering up silent prayers of escape.

Is it a sin to pray that someone stops talking?

I so badly did NOT want to go, that I actually called and cancelled (due to a sick child... that was actually sick... a little).

Yet as the hour of the study approached, a deep sense of guilt came over me. This WAS a commitment, and darn it, I'd better tough it out.

I reluctantly hauled my lazy butt into my chick car, and began the 20 minute drive into town. I was in a foul mood so I thought some music might help. I listened to a Tim McGraw song about a guy killing his step father. Real God honoring stuff. Good song... bad choice when I was already having serious attitude.

I pulled up into the driveway of our associate pastor's house 10 minutes late and noticed that mine was the only car. "Hmm, maybe it's cancelled?" I thought eagerly to myself. I knocked on the front door then stepped inside to a room revealing the associate pastor and his wife, and one other woman who is new to our church. Usually the class is pulling in a dozen people or so, so I was surprised to see such a small turn out. Ah, but the talker wasn't there, so my mood brightened just enough for me to stay.

The 1st half of the study was ... slow. I started counting the chapters we had left, playing with my hair, daydreaming about the cookies I had back at the house.

Then it happened!

GOD BROKE THROUGH!

He took a stale bible study and brought life.

A simple question was asked and the "new girl" opened up and answered with such transparency, it opened doors to an evening of ministry and healing.

Now I'm a very open person, to have me speak my mind, feelings, or struggles is nothin' new. However this woman had a lot, and I mean A LOT bottled up, and wow, did God use her courage in a BIG WAY! Before you knew it the associate pastor and his wife were sharing their struggles and hurts. They were being vulnerable in a way that I seldom see pastors (or their wives) be. Ugh. If only pastors could see how much good it would do the congregation to let us see their "dark side". It's nice knowing that we are not the only ones who struggle.

A couple of months ago I was asked to give my testimony to the women of our church. I planned a big speech about how "bad" I used to be and how God has changed me. However, when I prayed over it, God told me that he wanted to to share how "bad" I still am. Not in a condemning sort of way, but in a "I'm still struggling, I still make mistakes, and God still loves me" kind of way. I also got to take a few jabs at the legalistic gals in their floral jumpers and worn out Old Testaments, and share about the "grey" areas of my life that were NOT sin, like Santa, Merlot, and Crunk. So fun.

After my testimony was shared, I had dozens of women coming up to me, calling me, etc sharing their own struggles, their own "secret" lives. Most of their stories were the same. A glass of wine on Friday, a "secret" viewing of Desperate Housewives, whatever. Almost all of them had things in their past that any "good Christian" would turn their noses up at. I thought if these women would just open up to each other, they'd see they were all hiding the same things.

Then there were confessions of the REAL sins. Anger, lust, revenge, gluttony, you name it. There again, so many shared so much in common, but never opened up enough to let anyone know it. One woman said because of her struggles she felt like an island. How sad... if only she knew.

Not until we stop trying so hard to hide who we are, can we really start to tackle our sin. Being fake is too exhausting. Deception is the breeding ground for sin. Hiding your personality is deception. End of story.

I could fill a months worth of posts with my "grey" areas, current sins and struggles, and past, but I'll spare y'all.

Ah, but I got to confess a little!

I.... like tattoos, I lack contentment, I'm a little vain (ouch, that one hurts), struggle with self control, and used to be able to shoot large amounts of tequila without flinching.

So I want to hear some truths! Common, it feels great! Tell me something you'd normally hide at church. Free your soul!

5 Things I Love

My new blog friend Candy tagged me with this award. Thanks Candy!
Now I'm supposed to list 5 Things that I Love, and then TAG 5 more people when I'm done.

So...

5 Things I Love

1.Music

Music is like oxygen to me. I need it to function!

When I have music I can~
worship better
clean faster
run longer
love deeper

Lose myself

Music motivates me when nothing else can.

I've had my most amazing spiritual breakthroughs with it

It's mended many broken hearts

I've rocked my babies to sleep with it's lullabies

It's calmed my anger... Stirred my compassion

I'm not picky about the type.
It just depends on my mood.
When I want to dance I turn on jamiroquai,
Toby Mac, or Family Force 5

When I'm driving I like Hello Goodbye, My Chemical Romance, or Cold Play

When I'm running I listen to SuperChick, Gwen Stephanie, or Hawk Nelson

Here is a pic my daughter took at the Hawk Nelson concert last spring.

When I worship I like The Newsboys, Sara Groves, Hillsong


On a warm summer day I like Blue grass, Allison Kraus,The Grateful Dead.

There is no end to my moods... there is no end to my music collection!

I like it loud!

2. I love my husband in flannel shirts. This is just a weird quirk. !
I'm not usually into the lumberjack look, but I just can't resist him when he is dressed in fuzzy, plaid, flannel shirt


See... isn't this HOT! 0-:


3. Thai Food.
Can you say Tandoori Chicken Tiki Kabob? No really... try to say it. My husband and I LOVE to get away to the city... just the two of us.
When we do, we almost ALWAYS hit up one of our favorite Thai restaurants! My brother is a mountain climber ad leaves for Thailand next week, and while I'm envious of him experiencing the culture, the landscape, I'm REALLY jealous of his consumption of Pad Thai!


4. Being a part of my Family.
I know, I know, it sounds so "typical" but I really do think I have the coolest family on the planet! Both my husband and I have a similar sense of humor, and would you believe, my kids got it too? We are always laughing, and often at something no one else "gets".

Our dinner table is awesome. My kids can all hold their own in a conversation about
politics, theology, or Napoleon Dynamite! Silliness is encouraged in our home! Sometimes we will turn on music and ALL dance around the house until we fall down with exhaustion (and laughter). We love to hike together, make up stupid songs, and skip dinner in favor of milkshakes and a movie.

My husband and boys all love to fish (they are fly fishing this weekend). My girls and I love to shop together, give each other makeovers and curl up under the covers and watch "chick flicks" on the portable DVD player. We are spontaneous, and sometimes just hop in the car on a whim and drive to the coast, or go visit a ghost town, or explore a museum.

It's not just me immediate family either! I've got borderline insane relatives that I just adore. My mom is a genius and totally kooky. My brother is a Christian Hippie who looks like a 70's porn star (I've said it before... and his look still hasn't changed), my relatives are French chefs, musicians, doctors, slackers.. I think they are awesome! The eclectic tapestry of my family keeps it interesting!

We definitely have our share of faults, but as a whole, my close knit family is full of joy, faith, and adventure!

I just love... LOVE being a part of my family!



Here are the girls of the family minus My 2ND daughter. The 1st three lovely ladies are my aunts. The one up front in the purple in my beloved mother. Next in the blue is yours truly, then the beautiful girl in the yellow is my 1st born daughter.


Here all the boys in the family, minus my dad ~ who had escaped ( :
1st is my cousin, followed by my 1st born son. Then you have my brother, my husband, and the little guy upfront is the baby of the family (but I don't let him hear me say that).


Here I am (with no make up GASP) and my gorgeous daughter! Neither of us usually wear glasses, but she's on this big Sarah Palin kick, so hey... gotta go for the look, right?

5.Jackie-O
No, it's not about the politics... the girl's got style!




Hmm. Now as for tagging 5 people, I'm going to pick on Javamama, halfmoongirl,
Emily, andysbetty, and the 5th pick? YOU!

BTW, I can't figure out why my family pics are blurry. I messed around with them for over an hour, and I just can't seem to get them to submit! AHHH. Anyway, I'll try to get the in focus later 'cause right now my computer is definitely NOT one of the 5 things I love ):

In Reply To an Old Friend

This post is a public reply to a comment left on my last post.

Elaine, since you publicly posted your personal letter to me on my blog (rather than an e-mail), I am assuming you want a public reply. If that is not what you intended, please tell me and I'd be happy to remove this post.

As a comment to my last post you wrote:

Maybe it is because the bitterness that has been building up. Is starting to show on the outside. Honestly Karly. You never respond to emails. Your last few blogs have become very bitter. I can feel your contempt for the human race (all of us) in your words.
If that is how you come across to your fellow town members, why on earth would they even want to deal with you?
Why do I even read your blogs? Because years ago, you were a very dear friend. I know, you just tolerated me. I'm not stupid. Yet I liked going to the womens groups with you and was even saved at the prayer group. Something I thought would never happen in my lifetime. That was HUGE to me.
Now, everytime I tried to set up a time to come visit, it was always something. You had moved away and didn't have to entertain my friendship any longer.
Bottom line, I was rejected.
Is that how you treat your fellow town members?
Still your friend
Elaine

OUCH! I sit here in awe of this comment. Contempt for the human race? Bitterness?

When one writes a blog it is hard to portray the correct tone. My heart was in no way bitter during my last few posts. My political posts are usually written either with sarcasm or a heart of great concern. I have strong beliefs that I will NOT apologize for. My opinionated nature is, and always has been a big part of who I am. With a title like Conservachick, one should expect this to be a political venting ground. I also don't share my blog with my community. With my husbands position, I have to keep quiet more than I'd like to. Posting serves as a "safe" place to share my thoughts.

As for my last post, the point was to honor my husband as MY hero! I wrote the post mostly for him and guess what... it made him feel loved, respected, and honored. Was I surprised that no one stopped? Yes. However I do not for one moment think it is because I am cruel or "bitter" towards them. People are busy. Chivalry is dying in this "me" focused culture of ours. That disappoints me.

Honestly Elaine. Men seldom open the doors any more, give up their seats, etc. I find this everywhere. Maybe there is an secret international "let's hate Karlie (because of her contempt for humanity) club", but I doubt it. My guess is that ANYONE would have been left standing there on the side of the road.

I am a sarcastic, political, strong willed person Elaine. You know that, but I LOVE the human race. That IS why I care so much. I definitely sin, have bad thoughts about others, whine, and yes... occasionally gossip. I am human. Still, my primary goal in life is to serve God, and that means to serve and love others. While I am tempted to go into the things God has me doing to reach out and love those around me, I feel it would be wrong. My good works are not of my own doing, but of God alone. Still, please know that while I often stumble, my greatest desire is to serve.

Now Elaine, I feel I must apologize for not keeping in better touch with you. My lack of correspondence is in no way a rejection of you. I have not seen one, not ONE of my Washington friends since I have moved. I'm lousy at Christmas cards, even my own relatives get irritated by my lack of response to e-mails. I still love my old friends (you included), I just get overwhelmed with 4 kids, a social husband, church, work, volunteering, and quite honestly, the people God has placed on my heart right here in my very own town. Even blogging (the ONLY way I keep in touch with old friends) often takes a back seat to my busy life, which is why I often go months at a time without posting. With all of my excuses, I still feel terrible that I have not been better about keeping in touch. So Elaine, I AM sorry.

On a last note Elaine, I never just tolerated you. Your friendship was always very real to me. As I have moved around I would often tell people of an old friend I have who is the most loyal person I have ever met. I was talking about YOU. We may be very different from each other, but I always found beauty in you unique personality! And hey, we also had many things in common, like vegetarian food, motherhood, music and art! While our friendship has entered a different season, I have not stopped caring about you.

Elaine, your salvation was very precious to me. I pray that even though I can't be there to watch you grow in your walk with God, you continue to seek his voice and know his love. I am sorry I can't be who you want me to be, but people will always let you down. Our Father however will never reject you, never ignore you, never let you down. NEVER!

With love, Karlie

Chivalry IS Dead...Well Almost

I know, the title of the post is so cliche', yet when I needed a Knight in Armor to help me as I was stranded on the side of the road with a flat yesterday. Not a single one arrived.
I was SHOCKED! Here is why:

1. I was stranded on the side of the highway that connects the two "small" towns that we live between. Hundreds of vehicles passed me.

2. I was there for over an hour, fumbling with a car jack, looking quite clueless.

3. I look VERY girly. I'm not one of those tough looking girls that could use power tools or something. I wear dresses and make up and am sadly not at all buff. One of my best friends IS however one of those buff power tool kinda girls, and she WOULD have stopped.

4. I was driving a little white chick car (my husbands words not mine).

5. Here is the big one... Dozens of cars that drove by KNEW ME. Anyone that knows me could easily guess, I don't know how to change a tire (or even know where to find my car jack). They could have guessed that I was on my way to pick my kids up at school (as I was only 2 miles away from it and the school day was about to end).

Not ONE person stopped to see if I needed help. Not one offer of a phone call. Nothing. I actually had several people stop me later and ask how the car troubles went (because they saw me stranded on the road). "Fine, no thanks to you!" Didn't actually say it, but I thought it REALLY hard.

Now I can't change a tire, but I'd like to think if I saw a woman on the side of the road, I'd at least stop and ask if I could call someone. I HAVE stopped before for an elderly couple, and my husband stops for EVERYONE!

My mother raised both me AND my brother to think of others in need. To this day I am still amazed by the way my brother will reach out to help a stranger. So I guess I foolishly have the same standards for others.

This entire experience brings back memories of our last flat tire several years ago. We were on the way to my mom's house for the weekend and traveling along the Washington State freeways. We had 4 kids and a cat in our mini van. The tire blew and we ended up on the side of the freeway trying to put on a spare. Again no one stopped. Nearly an hour passed as the cars zoomed by, and all I could think was "people suck". Then finally a small pick up truck with an old Asian man pulled up behind us. My heart swelled. I thought to myself, "so this is what a TRUE hero looks like"! As he got out of his truck, he turned away from our vehicle unzipped his pants and peed. Yup, you heard me right. HE PEED! Then he hopped back in his truck and drove away. I can't even share my thought with y'all on this one. I'm trying to keep my blog rated PG-13 here.

Now we get to the "Well Almost" part of the title. Someone did come to my rescue. Someone called the school, got my kids, picked me up, replaced my flat, AND bought me cold meds (I forgot to mention I was quite sick during this whole ordeal). The REAL hero of this story is my husband.

So, while it may seem that Chivalry is dead, there ARE a few knights in shinning armor still out there (or maybe knights in business suits wearing Tommy Bahama cologne). Oh and yes, he DID change my tire in his suit!

I know my husband, and he didn't only come to my rescue because I'm his wife, that's just what he does. Like I mentioned earlier, he stops for EVERYONE. I can't tell you how many times we have been late because he stopped by the side of the road to help a commuter in need. I LOVE that about him. In a world with so few willing to take the time... I married one of the last true heroes!

Deception

Well, I'm sure y'all could have guessed that "Conservachick" is not all that happy about the way the elections turned out. I wasn't surprised, but that didn't take the sting out of it.

I guess I'll fess us and admit I cried. Not as much because Obama won and McCain lost, but because of the Christians that voted for him.

Numerous Christian friends and family members hopped on the Obama band wagon, seeking.... Change? Comfort? Just going along with the crowd? I do not know. No one can give me a "real" answer.

What really bothers me about this is the state our church is in. If so many members of our body can so easily gloss over the fact this man stands AGAINST God, against scripture and Christian values and still vote for him, what a sad state we are in.

The guy is charismatic and polished and makes big promises he can't back up. If Obama can so easily deceive so many of our own, how are we going to fare when the Antichrist comes? NO, I am not in anyway implying that Obama is the Antichrist, but I think there are some very good lessons (and warnings) about deception here.

The Bible says:

'for many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah.’ They will deceive many' Matthew 24:5

'Beware of false prophets which come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly they are ravening wolves.’ Matthew 7:15

This scares me. People that I love are turning away from God in favor of "false prophets". Where is the church headed?

Mass Market Messiah

He is:
The Hannah Montana of politics. A media produced phenomenon, all polished and pretty and ready to sell to thousands of adoring consumerist, television brainwashed fans.




The Happy meal toy used to lure you in... but all you end up getting is processed food.



Is anyone else bothered by the fact he has children's books out? Or that there is a 24/7 Obama TV station? Or that tonight during prime time, every channel had an Obama "special".



Does anyone else wonder what is funding such extravagances?

My father has been a Republican all of his life. Now he is a drunk. All he does is drink and watch TV. The TV has convinced him we need change. Now he is voting for Obama. I ask him "Dad? What is Obama going to change?" I get blank stares. He doesn't know.... he's just another victim of the media. It preys on people who can't think for themselves. There is a lot of them out there.



I know many Christians who are voting for Obama. Why? Because they don't like the way our country is right now. They are concerned about the economy. They blame George Bush. Yeah, because it's all his fault that we became a greedy over consuming nation. He forced us to take out loans we could not afford.... right? Sorry America... we can't blame Bush.... It's OUR fault.

Obama is NOT the Messiah. He will not save us. He's NOT going to fix the economy. Have you guys ever studied Marxism? Who wants to live with no aspirations? Marxism is only good for the lazy, or the ones on top. Socialism? How did that work out for the Soviet Union? I mean really. People are so worked up by all of this media hype, they can't even see what they are getting themselves into.




He has become our Golden Calf. our culture's Idol.

Idol
*a representation or symbol of an object of worship ; a false god
*an object of extreme devotion
*a false conception : fallacy



Do you remember God's response to their idol worship? Now leave me alone so my fierce anger can blaze against them, and I will destroy them... Exodus 32:10

WAKE UP AMERICA!

I'm not even going to get into Obama's voting record (he's the most liberal voting record in senate). Won't even touch on his pro-abortion agenda. Won't talk about his anti-American church, or his attendance in Muslim school.

I will make this statement... if you are a Christian and vote for Obama, you ARE voting against Christian values.

Yes. A vote for Obama IS a vote for change. Just remember, things CAN change for the worse.

The Wrong Path

This last week I have come to a disturbing realization.

I am not on God's path.

I don't know where I stepped off it.

Heck, I don't even know where it is any more.

Not only am I on the "wrong" path, but I am going down it fast.

So fast that it's only now that I'm realizing I don't know my way back.

My kids feel it.

I feel it.

My husband feels it, but I'm not sure he cares.

I care.



I'm scared...

That even if I find my way back....

I'll have to go it alone.


I'm scared...

That I am totally utterly clueless, and always will be.


I'm scared...

That I will never find my way back.... because I'm too far gone.