Thursday, March 19, 2009

Foolish in Who's Eyes?

It seems like I never get on here anymore, unless I have something to gripe about. So can you guess why I'm writing today? Yup, gripe fest.

So, here is the deal.....

My 13 year old daughter wants to be home schooled next year. At first I thought, "no way", UNTIL she gave me her reasons why. It is her last year of middle school and while she is eager to attend high school, she would like one more year to learn all the things she feels she can only learn at home. She wants one more year to focus on learning without the distractions of "teen drama". She wants to learn to cook better, balance a check book, pour over scriptures. One last year, just her and her mom, before the crazy high school years begin. I think she knows the clock is ticking towards her adulthood.

So how, HOW? can I deny a request like this? I mean, I've always been open to the idea of homeschooling again, if God leads, so I figured if after prayer, if I felt God's go ahead, I would plan to keep Zoe home next year.

So, now for the frustration part. I told my mother about this plan, and she all but flipped out on me. She treated me like I was foolish for even considering this. Zoe is doing very well in school, and I am back in school myself. Basically the conversation went like this. "Oh, you are not REALLY going to do this are you? finally when you start to make something of yourself... you go and do this."

Can I for the record state that this comment hurt me more deeply than I thought possible?

I have never been one to care about a career. I've always loved being a mother and wife. I'm not kidding, I pity those who are in a career and leave young children at home. But to have your own mother confess after all these years that she was disappointed in your choices... it hurts.

She went on to tell me how smart and mature my kids are, then mumbled something about good genes. Good genes? NO... GOD! My kids are good because we put GOD first in our family, and did what he told us to when it came to raising our children.

I still plan to go to school, regardless of what we decide for next year. Online courses make that quite possible, but my youngest will be in middle school when I graduate, what if God calls me to home school him? I guess I'll look like a fool, put the job on hold and OBEY!

Its hard to not live to please people. I so badly want my mothers approval, but I'd rather let her down than God.

If putting my God and my family first make me a looser in this world.... so be it.


Becky said...

The famous missionary Jim Elliot (first husband of Christian author Elisabeth Elliot) who died at the hands of the Auca Indians back in the 50's, was quoted as saying, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Choosing the Lord's will above all else is never foolish or a waste of your time and talents.

What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world and yet forfeits his own soul? Mt. 16:26 (This entire passage would be a very timely one to read).

YOU are your daughter's parent...the one God Himself has entrusted with training her up in the way she should go...and if homeschooling one-on-one is a direction the Lord takes you guys once again, then by all means DO IT. As you've said, it's possible to still take classes of your own online.

When it's a plea from your daughter to become better equipped as a soldier and ambassador for Christ before she launches into high school, you can't not do it, you know? In fact, you have to admire that she has seen and requested this, because she wants to be as useful for the Lord as possible in that place when she gets there!

I know it seems hard, but I'd try and just let what your mom said go. If she had other dreams for your life than what you have thus far accomplished, that's an issue in her own heart...because rearing Godly children in this age is a feat that few can manage as you and your husband have, and HE is the one keeping 'score'. He will reward those who earnestly seek Him and His will.

Anonymous said...

Karlie, after reading your blog, all I can say is that what you got out of our conversation and what I put into it were two very different things.

I was concerned that you might be taking my grandaughter out of school, not for academics, but because she was having difficulties with the kids again. Your first reaction to her homeschool request was "no way". Why is it horrible for me to have the same reaction? I was fine with your thought process after you explained it to me. Also, you are planning on going to school, running the kids to their functions, working part time, and trying to keep up a home. Now add homeschooling to that. Excuse me for being concerned for you but you are indeed, MY DAUGHTER, and I love you and don't want you to kill yourself trying to be Wonderwoman.

I did not say, "Finally when you start to make something of yourself". This really isn't something I would think or say. I remember a conversation we had where you had agonized over your decision to go to school and finally, decided that it was the right thing to do. You had mapped out what you were planning on doing, when you felt you would be able to finish college, and the field you were going to go into. I agreed with you that this was a good plan. When you came back to tell me that you were planning on homeschooling, my first thought was, what happened to the plan you had mapped out? NEVER NEVER NEVER would I have said "Just when you're starting to make something of yourself". I have always thought the most noble job in the world is taking care of the family and you know that it was always my dream to be able to stay home with my children. I have always admired you for what you've done and have felt you are the best mother I have ever known.

As far as the "Good Genes" comment, I was trying to give you a compliment. You had indicated that you were feeling some low esteem and I was trying to make you feel better. Your comment back that it wasn't genes but God prompted my comment that yes, that genes,like everything else, are from God.

When we left our conversation, I thought we were on good terms. I had no idea that you thought I had said the things that you mention in this blog.

I have never been disappointed in your choices. I have never been disappointed in you. I have always been proud of the fact that you have such a strong faith and such high integrity as a person. I marvel at your ability to stay strong in the face of adversity. I have always believed that God has a special mission for you.

You will never let me down if you're doing God's work and I will always be proud of you regardless of what you ultimately decide to do.

You are my daughter and my best friend and if I hurt you, it was never intentional. I would rather cut off my right hand than ever cause you pain.

I'm sorry.


javamamma said...

Go for it! I think it really speaks highly of your relationship with your daughter that she WANTS you to homeschool her. Awesomeness!

EEEEMommy said...

I'm sorry! I felt that kind of hurt before! I think it's great that your daughter has a heart to be home for another year, and for all the best reasons. Of course I encourage you to go for it! I'll be praying that God gives you wisdom and that you'll be able to clearly discern His best for your family!

Emily said...

I think it is utterly amazing that your daughter is mature enough and comfortable enough with herself to ask to do this. What character she must have. That is special.

Andysbethy said...

First off - I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you are hurt, because that is just not fun. I think that letting it all out, "venting" on here is probably the best way to feel better. (at least, that is what works for me!) Here is the question you need to ask - Who do you care about pleasing? Your Mom - hmmmm. Yes, but not always, and not in all things. After all, she is human. Your husband - once again, yes, but he also is human. Yourself - Still a good one, and an important priority - I think that happiness is something to work toward, but NOT what matters most. You already answered this question.
I'm a homeschool mom who finished college, and has happily abandoned my degree in order to stay home with my kids because I have NO DOUBT whatsoever that, for now, THIS is what God has called me to do. Like you said, as long as you are pleasing God, nothing else matters. It all works out in the end.
Let us know what you decide...

Anonymous said...

I'm just about at the end of my homeschooling mom days - I've been at it for 20 years. When we first started, my mom thought my kids would be socially warped, and misfits in society. With the Lord's help, we have proved her wrong. When I got saved, I called her up and told her right away, and her response was like throwing a bucket of cold water on me. I thought she would be happy, but alas, she was not. Thought it was going to be another "phase" that I would go through. Well, I'm happily still serving my Lord and Saviour and it's been a wonderful 32 year "phase". I guess I said all this to let you know that you are not alone, and what you said at the end is right. Loving and serving God come first and foremost.

~ esther ~ said...

ouch... I'm so sorry that your mom responded in that way... I can see why that response hurt...It's so amazing to me that even now, as an adult, I still want my parents' support in the things I choose to do. When they don't... it doesn't feel so good.

As for homeschooling, you go for it!!! If God calls you to do something, you can do it! My husband and I are youth leaders at our church, and let me tell you - your daughter is NOT the norm. If she's asking to spend time with you, and to grow in the Lord - WHOA! That is AWESOME!!!!

I think it's great that she can express herself in that way to you. It obviously speaks of the love she has gotten. All kids want their parents', but not all kids feel safe enough to be able to express that.

Gosh - sorry for the long comment.

Emily said...

Can I just tell you that I'm sorry and I feel your pain? It's hard to feel that our parents aren't proud of us...even if they's hard to imagine that they aren't.

Wish I could give you a big hug. Seriously. I'm sorry Karlie. :(

Halfmoon Girl said...

Sounds like you have your priorities straight to me, Karlie! Homeschooling one child in middle school will not be as time consuming as when they are all home, so I bet you and your daughter will be able to find a balance that works for you both. Your mom's comment speaks about something going on with her, not to what is true about you- do you know what I mean. The only regrets that will remain with us in years to will be about times when we did not follow the Lord's leading and keep our priorities straight. I think your daughter's reasons for wanting to stay at home are awesome, and I am jealous. Our daughter wants to go to highschool next year (gr 8-12) and that step scares me!

Francine said...

i don't think that you are a looser i think that you prefer to put what is best for your children before ANYTHING else.. and i think that is awesoem.. head up and feel good about who and what you are.
now if you want to cheer yourself up a little come over to my blog and enter my contest its a good one.. praying for you.

Carrie said...

I totally agree with you! I am sorry that your mother is not supportive, but you MUST obey God rather than "man." When I started reading this I was thinking, "what an awesome girl you have to desire to learn things that are TRULY important! What maturity and perspective!"
God calls us to Him first, to our spouses second, and to our family third...and I believe that goes for the one you are building FIRST not those outside your home!
GO FOR IT! You are an awesome mom!

happyhome said...

I know the sting of a mom's comments and despite what they say, how badly we still need/want their approval. I liked how you summed it all up though - you would rather disappoint her than God. Most definiately!

The Evans Family said...

I found your blog through a blog of a blog of a blog... :) But this was the first post I read this morning and I wanted to say congratulations on putting what is most important first! I can't imagine home schooling, I'm sure it is as hard as anything else, but regardless of what your mom tells you (she'll come around), you sound like you will make the best decision for you and your family - whether that be to home school, or to keep your daughter in school. I think our parents always think they know us best - but things change when we are adults and have children of our own. The decisions tha worked for our parents may not work for us and our families. Good luck! I hope your mom shows you her supportive side soon!

Joyfuel said...

You GO gal! From what I can tell, you are right on target. Your daughter actually wants to spend time at home - with her family & digging into scripture - WOW! What a blessing!

I'm sorry your mom is less than supportive. I will pray that God speaks to her heart & continues to strengthen you & your family.

Praise God there are families like yours who do continue to put God & family above money, social status, & other worldly "acheivements".

May God bless you and yours.

Fellow Christian homeschooler,
Lori M.

cheryl said...

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice, but.. it sounds like your daughter has a wonderful attitude, and if one of my girls (I have 7) came to me with a request like that, I'd do my best to honor it. We've been fortunate to live in a small school district, and my girls have friends from Church there, so they've been fine with not being led away, but I know middle school can be tough. I commend you for considering it, and it's obvious that your daughter is wise! Good luck.. it's great to know that we "only" have to stand before God!

Christin said...

I read this when you posted it and wanted to comment, but my computer rebeled and wouldn't let me.


I love that you take your daughter seriously. that you are willing to consider her needs/wants enough of a priority to rearrange your life.

As moms, our words and actions have sooo much power with our daughters. for better or for worse. I'm so sorry that your mom hurt you. But I'm sooooo excited that you are choosing to uplift your daughter by honoring her request.

I'm thinking your sacrificial attitude have officially disqualified you for the coveted "loser" title. Pity. *wink*

Pam said...

I think your daughter makes excellent points for homeschooling for a year. We have a friend that did it for that very reason this year, and it's been wonderful for her. Listen to Him and do what He says. (I know it can be hard,though)

Love your blog, by the way!

call*me*kate said...

I hope you don't mind but I read your Mom's response. I hope things are better between you two now.

I support your decision to agree to homeschool your daughter one more year. It's just one year! It will go fast and you will always be glad you did. And so will she! May God bless that one-on-one time you will have with her.


Anonymous said...

That is so mature of her! WTG to you for doing this. Yu are an awesome mom

Shell in your Pocket said...

You should do it! What a testimony for a junior high girl to ask that!..balance a checkbook? Can you homeschool me???
sandy toe