Thursday, March 19, 2009

Foolish in Who's Eyes?

It seems like I never get on here anymore, unless I have something to gripe about. So can you guess why I'm writing today? Yup, gripe fest.

So, here is the deal.....

My 13 year old daughter wants to be home schooled next year. At first I thought, "no way", UNTIL she gave me her reasons why. It is her last year of middle school and while she is eager to attend high school, she would like one more year to learn all the things she feels she can only learn at home. She wants one more year to focus on learning without the distractions of "teen drama". She wants to learn to cook better, balance a check book, pour over scriptures. One last year, just her and her mom, before the crazy high school years begin. I think she knows the clock is ticking towards her adulthood.

So how, HOW? can I deny a request like this? I mean, I've always been open to the idea of homeschooling again, if God leads, so I figured if after prayer, if I felt God's go ahead, I would plan to keep Zoe home next year.

So, now for the frustration part. I told my mother about this plan, and she all but flipped out on me. She treated me like I was foolish for even considering this. Zoe is doing very well in school, and I am back in school myself. Basically the conversation went like this. "Oh, you are not REALLY going to do this are you? finally when you start to make something of yourself... you go and do this."

Can I for the record state that this comment hurt me more deeply than I thought possible?

I have never been one to care about a career. I've always loved being a mother and wife. I'm not kidding, I pity those who are in a career and leave young children at home. But to have your own mother confess after all these years that she was disappointed in your choices... it hurts.

She went on to tell me how smart and mature my kids are, then mumbled something about good genes. Good genes? NO... GOD! My kids are good because we put GOD first in our family, and did what he told us to when it came to raising our children.

I still plan to go to school, regardless of what we decide for next year. Online courses make that quite possible, but my youngest will be in middle school when I graduate, what if God calls me to home school him? I guess I'll look like a fool, put the job on hold and OBEY!

Its hard to not live to please people. I so badly want my mothers approval, but I'd rather let her down than God.

If putting my God and my family first make me a looser in this world.... so be it.