Quiet Time

When I first got saved, people would talk about their morning quiet time with God, and I thought they were Spiritual GIANTS! I mean really. Who could talk to God and read the bible for an hour every morning.

As time went on, I figured most people were lying about it... trying to get a little holier than though action.

Then I joined a church that held me accountable for my time with God. A 5:00 am phone call from the pastor's wife summoned me with "get out of bed, it's time to go talk with God." 60 + INTENSE minutes of on my knees prayer, on my pastors lead. I pressed, and pressed for miracles, not for relationship, but for a display of God's power. Did I grow? Heck yeah. I grew enough to hear God say "I don't want your prayers out of obligation and duty, I want your time because you love me.. oh, and leave that crazy church while you're at it."

This season was one of the most difficult spiritual time of my life. For the first time I heard God... I mean I HEARD God. He spoke to me in dreams, I heard his voice, I had visions. The experience made me into a full on believer of Spiritual gifts (where as before I doubted them) because I experienced them first hand. It scared me. God is big. SO BIG. Then to have God say, "leave this place. Your loyalty is off, you are you here for the wrong reasons".

I took a sabbatical from morning prayer. I would pray, but the formality and schedule were gone. I leaned on worship. I loved his presence, but honestly, I didn't want to talk anymore. The things of God were so much more intense, with so much depth, so much unknown. I was scared by his power. Scared of being THAT close. Scared of myself.

Then began a season of Spiritual shallowness. The less I talked to God the less I could hear his voice. "Yeah God, we can hang out, just don't talk to me about anything but shoes". That's where I would take my Christian friendships too. Don't go deep... it's easier to swim in the shallow end.

For three years I would "try" morning quiet time. "I'd wake myself up at dawn and try to create intimacy with my God, but I didn't know his voice anymore."

Worship was all I had. He was there, but I was STARVING for more. I wanted my "best friend" back, but I couldn't find him.

Then, I heard a small voice whisper "Go to my word, I'm waiting for you there." It started slow. I read, I prayed, with little "nuggets" of gold along the way, but nothing substantial. I had to really want it! So I persisted. I got up, and had an hour long "quiet time" not because I had to, but because I wanted to. And would you guess. THAT is where God met me. Not in the place of obligation, but in the place of love.

His miracles don't scare me anymore. I laugh with delight when I see his powerful hand, when I hear his voice. Sometimes our time is intense.. like before, but usually I just have coffee with him while he gently leads me through his word.

I finally get it.