Saturday, October 20, 2007

Boys and Clothes

What is it with boys and their clothes?

I love to shop, wear new things, accessorize. I'm really not that picky, it's just gotta look good. Comfort is second.

The men in my life are of a totally different persuasion. Fashion matters to them, but it's so SO wrong. My 7 year old son spent the last week in his boxers and a red cape because he thought he looked "cool". My brother wore a "security" shirt for three years straight because he thought that "chicks dig it". It was a lonely three years for the boy.

I also noticed that fashion comes w-a-y after comfort (it doesn't matter if the I accidentally bleached the black pants to a putrid brown," 'cause they are still SO comfortable").

Oh and they are so picky. My boys cry if they get anything from Gymboree. A sweater with a cute little train on the front? I might as well have brought them home a tutu! My manly boys will look at me like I've lost my mind! Now a camo shirt, that's more like it! But, goes so far beyond that. They have other weird "fashion" do's and dont's that would baffle any female mind.

One thing I just don't get... my boys HATE jeans. They actually are not fond of anything that does not look like the jogging suits they wear on the Sopranos (no they haven't seen it). They only like fabric pants... especially if the are "silky". Now they are sometimes forced to wear jeans, which they have re named "itchy wiener pants". They will cry and moan, and walk funny to dramatize their discomfort to the world, but hey, if their daddy can handle jeans... they can too.

Oh and church clothes.... right up there with the "itchy wiener pants." They hate them. They fight me every Sunday. "Mom, why can't I wear sweatpants and a muscle shirt? Instead I stuff them into khakis and the dreaded "COLLAR SHIRT" there is no torture like the shirt with a collar! Then I nicely spray their wild hair into submission with a respectable side part that would make any 70's car salesman proud. They argue "Jesus wore a robe to church, and I bet he'd like sweats too." I reply "honestly boys, I think Jesus is probably on your side, but Mama's not, so tuck in your shirt and don't even think about unbuttoning your top button on those pants."

By the time they get in the car, their hair is messed up, and they have managed to get mud on their pants, jelly on their shirts, and a few toy guns in their pockets. Yes... Sunday school teachers LOVE us.

Once church is over, we barely make it though the door and they strip down, right in the living room. Seriously. Nothing but tidy whities. Then they lay on the ground and roll around like a dog in the mud after a bath. They remain in this mostly naked state for several hours (to recover from the church clothes trauma I'm sure). Then it's back to the silky mafia inspired sweat pants.

I look back on the pictures of my brother as a kid and he's always go the same red sweats on. As he grew, the pants just shrank, until he looked like he was sporting a cute pair of capris (way before they came back in style). He would pair these bright red disasters with some random shirt with an Ewok or a Storm Trooper on the front and think he was the coolest kid to walk the earth.

My conservative dad got a pair of zebra striped parachute pants (remember MC Hammer?) in the 80's and wore them CONSTANTLY, until they mysteriously disappeared (thanks Mom). (I must say in my dad's defense that they were a gift, and I know he wore them for comfort, NOT fashion, but it just goes to show... no one survived the 80's unscathed.)

My husband has a pair of furry pants with little ducks on them. I think they are supposed to be for duck hunters or something, but I call them his "ducky pants". I don't understand the magnetic draw they have, but he's got them on within 30 seconds of walking in the door. It's like superman.... only faster. He doesn't want to talk, eat, NOTHING, until the suit is off and the pants come on. What's the deal?

They say clothes make the man, right? I certainly hope not.


Halfmoon Girl said...

was that really "furry" duck pants? I love the itchy weiner part. My 8 year old will NOT wear polo style shirts, no matter how many lovely ones his nana buys him. He has taken to wearing a bandana- I think he is going for a biker/pirate look, but he usually ends up wearing it like Lucille Ball. Our 4 year old does the tag dance if he even sensing a clothing tag next to his skin, while 2 year old M usually wants his lion costume on. Now, our daughter has fabulous fashion sense, can't complain there. Half the time she looks like a young Audrey Hepburn.

ConservaChick said...

Yes, I said FURRY! They are actually more like a thick flannel than fur, but you get the picture. ~Karlie

javamamma said...

This was funny to me because though I don't have any boys - my two younger (way younger) bros have distinct likes/dislikes too. One boy: jeans guy all the way. The other: sweats, shiny-type, like you described.

And honestly, friend, you should do the laundry so the boys have underwear. :) Really, itchy wiener pants.....

Anonymous said...

LOLOL! Love the itchy weiner pants! Oh, and the MC Hammer pants. Too funny. Our son is very opposite. He likes to look fashionable and will make sure the top button on his shirt is done. I have to tell him to undo it. He fixes his hair and comes to me asking me to spritz it. Even though he likes to look snazzy he will still get his clothes looking like he just rolled down a mountain within 10 minutes of getting dressed. Aaarrggghhhh! A couple of girls, on the other hand, would love it if I said they could wear princess tutus socks and a crown to the grocery store. Not!!
Great post sweetie!

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

I LOVED reading this because having only girls, I thought perhaps clothing issues were for girls only. And we have had TONS of clothing issues! UGH. You've made me feel better!! :)

Emily said...

we had years where Nathan would ONLY wear parachute type pants from Old Navy. you know...the SILKY ones. Yep. I hated them and Jim (a man!?!) made him throw every pair away.

it gets old.

AND the collar shirt? Yep, he'd rather chew glass.

Terri said...

Hahaha! This made me laugh, but also rather thankful that I have girls. :)

Mrs. Darling said...

Oh my word what mom of boys cant relate to this! Although I have to say Peter doesnt mind jeans but oh how he hates church clothes. And what he hates above all is when mama buttons that top button and makes him wear a tie.

He wears scads of polo shrits with collars but opnly to school or church. He refuses to wear them for just play time. I think they help to make a little boy look sos put together. I kinda insist on it at this age. The time will come soon enough when i will have little say in what he wears! sigh

Anonymous said...

Oh I am so glad to hear of more boys in the world like mine. He sounds exactly like yours except if the jeans are itchy weiner pants then underwear are even worse. I can not get him to wear any kind of underwear. Even if I make him put them on in the morning by night they have disappeared. I guess it could be worse. My uncle wore a beer can crocheted hat for like three years straight.

ConservaChick said...

Dawn wrote "My uncle wore a beer can crocheted hat for like three years straight". I think we must be related. That so fits into my extended family's fashion attire. Funny. ~K

Kimmie said...


My brother was also a 'non-jean' wearer...until his 20's. Now he is very fashionable...and owns nothing that isn't stylish. The man should be in GQ...jeans or no jeans! (I hooked him up with my best friend, who now is my sister in law...she wishes he would go for the comfort he sometimes drives her crazy with his 'clothes' and neatness!)

They do come around sometimes, but it takes a moving of the earth.

mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted

Simply a mommy said...

Too funny! I thought my 4 girls were the only ones who are SO particular with their fashion. Nice to know moms of boys face similiar challenges. My dh also has 'silky' shorts which get paired with his never ending supply of t's and go on within 5 minutes of his arrival home from work!

Christin said...

OH. My. Word. That was hysterical.

I have all girls (well...aside from my obviously male hubby), so our prep time before church is WAYYYY different. Who gets what bracelet...the smearing on of the glitter lotion...the putting up of the hair "just so". You know, the basic stuff.

You had me rolling.

Unknown said...

My oldest wears nothing but silky shorts, including swimming. My youngest actually made it to church with a pocketknife. I found out later that they had to send him out to put it in the car.

Melissa Stover said...

oh that's awful news. i was hoping my boy would be the one who wasn't picky. my girls are so picky. so, very, picky. i hate buying clothes for them because they will not wear half of what i buy. even if it is all cute and stylish.

EE said...

You are too dang funny!
My son hates jeans, too! He is a much pickier dresser than my girls!!!

Jamie said...

My 10 year old is stuck in those teeshirt's that say stupid/funny things. My husband says not to argue though because it's just a phase. Well, he wears the same things every week and it bugs me. But again, I'm not to argue because he's developing individuality. He does love his jeans though.