Angry

I'm angry.

I have a CLOSE friend who's husband's lung collapsed. He has been in the emergency room for nearly a week. I just found out today.

My pastor's wife (another close friend) has had her kids, and been in prayer over the situation.

I'm not mad because no one told me about this... I am not mad because this was kept a "secret" from the congregation. I am mad at WHY this was kept a secret.

The pastor suggested that only a "select" few should know about this, because if EVERYONE knew, they might be inclined to pray. What's the problem with prayer? According to my pastor, those who do not know how to pray in "faith" could cause this man to die. If someone perchance prayed for God's will instead of demanding healing, it could ruin this man's chances of recovery.

I couldn't help but argue with this reasoning as my pastor's wife told me this over the phone. "Isn't God's grace big enough to cover those of us that don't pray the exact right words? Isn't our God sovereign enough to heal with the humble prayers of a New Christian? Isn't it damaging to the body to claim that their prayers might be hurtful?"

I don't know about you, but I believe God welcomes ALL communication. God can use ALL prayers and work them together for GOOD!

I guess what I'm really angry about, is my knack for always ending up in really screwed up churches, with wacked theology.

The Birds and The "Tadpoles"

The dinner tables brings out all sorts of interesting conversations in our family. Tonight my 8 1/2 year old son told us (out of the blue) that in 10 years his friend R***** wanted to have sex with a woman. All of our mouths hit the floor. We excused my 6 year old (with the lure of video games) and asked our son if he knew what sex was. He said "nope, but I sure am curious".

Rather than have him get his information inaccurately at school, my husband called my son into the bedroom and said "it's time for us to have a little talk". So off they went... into the land of no return.

As I was clearing the table I could hear giggles and "OH GROSS" coming from the bedroom. After what seemed like a century my son emerged with a knowing look on his face. The first thing he did was holler at his brother "hey, G*** guess WHAT..." At that moment I realized that my husband had left out one of the MOST important parts of "The Talk" DON'T TELL OTHERS. I quickly pulled him aside and told him that he was to keep his new knowledge to himself. "OK mom, but I can't believe you and dad did that FOUR TIMES (we have 4 kids)!" Clearly he wasn't listening.

Moments later his older sisters walked in the room. My son turned to them with that same "knowing look" and before I could stop him yelled out "Guess what! In a few years I'll be able to shoot tadpoles out my wiener."

My husband is now banned from giving the sex talks.

Death Of The "Church Lady"... The REAL Get Revival!

I know the idea of fellowship and bible study should sound appealing, but last night I would have sold my favorite (make me look skinny) jeans to not have to go. I dreaded the prospect of sitting in a room listening to one particular person rant on and on, while the rest of us stare aimlessly into nothing, offering up silent prayers of escape.

Is it a sin to pray that someone stops talking?

I so badly did NOT want to go, that I actually called and cancelled (due to a sick child... that was actually sick... a little).

Yet as the hour of the study approached, a deep sense of guilt came over me. This WAS a commitment, and darn it, I'd better tough it out.

I reluctantly hauled my lazy butt into my chick car, and began the 20 minute drive into town. I was in a foul mood so I thought some music might help. I listened to a Tim McGraw song about a guy killing his step father. Real God honoring stuff. Good song... bad choice when I was already having serious attitude.

I pulled up into the driveway of our associate pastor's house 10 minutes late and noticed that mine was the only car. "Hmm, maybe it's cancelled?" I thought eagerly to myself. I knocked on the front door then stepped inside to a room revealing the associate pastor and his wife, and one other woman who is new to our church. Usually the class is pulling in a dozen people or so, so I was surprised to see such a small turn out. Ah, but the talker wasn't there, so my mood brightened just enough for me to stay.

The 1st half of the study was ... slow. I started counting the chapters we had left, playing with my hair, daydreaming about the cookies I had back at the house.

Then it happened!

GOD BROKE THROUGH!

He took a stale bible study and brought life.

A simple question was asked and the "new girl" opened up and answered with such transparency, it opened doors to an evening of ministry and healing.

Now I'm a very open person, to have me speak my mind, feelings, or struggles is nothin' new. However this woman had a lot, and I mean A LOT bottled up, and wow, did God use her courage in a BIG WAY! Before you knew it the associate pastor and his wife were sharing their struggles and hurts. They were being vulnerable in a way that I seldom see pastors (or their wives) be. Ugh. If only pastors could see how much good it would do the congregation to let us see their "dark side". It's nice knowing that we are not the only ones who struggle.

A couple of months ago I was asked to give my testimony to the women of our church. I planned a big speech about how "bad" I used to be and how God has changed me. However, when I prayed over it, God told me that he wanted to to share how "bad" I still am. Not in a condemning sort of way, but in a "I'm still struggling, I still make mistakes, and God still loves me" kind of way. I also got to take a few jabs at the legalistic gals in their floral jumpers and worn out Old Testaments, and share about the "grey" areas of my life that were NOT sin, like Santa, Merlot, and Crunk. So fun.

After my testimony was shared, I had dozens of women coming up to me, calling me, etc sharing their own struggles, their own "secret" lives. Most of their stories were the same. A glass of wine on Friday, a "secret" viewing of Desperate Housewives, whatever. Almost all of them had things in their past that any "good Christian" would turn their noses up at. I thought if these women would just open up to each other, they'd see they were all hiding the same things.

Then there were confessions of the REAL sins. Anger, lust, revenge, gluttony, you name it. There again, so many shared so much in common, but never opened up enough to let anyone know it. One woman said because of her struggles she felt like an island. How sad... if only she knew.

Not until we stop trying so hard to hide who we are, can we really start to tackle our sin. Being fake is too exhausting. Deception is the breeding ground for sin. Hiding your personality is deception. End of story.

I could fill a months worth of posts with my "grey" areas, current sins and struggles, and past, but I'll spare y'all.

Ah, but I got to confess a little!

I.... like tattoos, I lack contentment, I'm a little vain (ouch, that one hurts), struggle with self control, and used to be able to shoot large amounts of tequila without flinching.

So I want to hear some truths! Common, it feels great! Tell me something you'd normally hide at church. Free your soul!

5 Things I Love

My new blog friend Candy tagged me with this award. Thanks Candy!
Now I'm supposed to list 5 Things that I Love, and then TAG 5 more people when I'm done.

So...

5 Things I Love

1.Music

Music is like oxygen to me. I need it to function!

When I have music I can~
worship better
clean faster
run longer
love deeper

Lose myself

Music motivates me when nothing else can.

I've had my most amazing spiritual breakthroughs with it

It's mended many broken hearts

I've rocked my babies to sleep with it's lullabies

It's calmed my anger... Stirred my compassion

I'm not picky about the type.
It just depends on my mood.
When I want to dance I turn on jamiroquai,
Toby Mac, or Family Force 5

When I'm driving I like Hello Goodbye, My Chemical Romance, or Cold Play

When I'm running I listen to SuperChick, Gwen Stephanie, or Hawk Nelson

Here is a pic my daughter took at the Hawk Nelson concert last spring.

When I worship I like The Newsboys, Sara Groves, Hillsong


On a warm summer day I like Blue grass, Allison Kraus,The Grateful Dead.

There is no end to my moods... there is no end to my music collection!

I like it loud!

2. I love my husband in flannel shirts. This is just a weird quirk. !
I'm not usually into the lumberjack look, but I just can't resist him when he is dressed in fuzzy, plaid, flannel shirt


See... isn't this HOT! 0-:


3. Thai Food.
Can you say Tandoori Chicken Tiki Kabob? No really... try to say it. My husband and I LOVE to get away to the city... just the two of us.
When we do, we almost ALWAYS hit up one of our favorite Thai restaurants! My brother is a mountain climber ad leaves for Thailand next week, and while I'm envious of him experiencing the culture, the landscape, I'm REALLY jealous of his consumption of Pad Thai!


4. Being a part of my Family.
I know, I know, it sounds so "typical" but I really do think I have the coolest family on the planet! Both my husband and I have a similar sense of humor, and would you believe, my kids got it too? We are always laughing, and often at something no one else "gets".

Our dinner table is awesome. My kids can all hold their own in a conversation about
politics, theology, or Napoleon Dynamite! Silliness is encouraged in our home! Sometimes we will turn on music and ALL dance around the house until we fall down with exhaustion (and laughter). We love to hike together, make up stupid songs, and skip dinner in favor of milkshakes and a movie.

My husband and boys all love to fish (they are fly fishing this weekend). My girls and I love to shop together, give each other makeovers and curl up under the covers and watch "chick flicks" on the portable DVD player. We are spontaneous, and sometimes just hop in the car on a whim and drive to the coast, or go visit a ghost town, or explore a museum.

It's not just me immediate family either! I've got borderline insane relatives that I just adore. My mom is a genius and totally kooky. My brother is a Christian Hippie who looks like a 70's porn star (I've said it before... and his look still hasn't changed), my relatives are French chefs, musicians, doctors, slackers.. I think they are awesome! The eclectic tapestry of my family keeps it interesting!

We definitely have our share of faults, but as a whole, my close knit family is full of joy, faith, and adventure!

I just love... LOVE being a part of my family!



Here are the girls of the family minus My 2ND daughter. The 1st three lovely ladies are my aunts. The one up front in the purple in my beloved mother. Next in the blue is yours truly, then the beautiful girl in the yellow is my 1st born daughter.


Here all the boys in the family, minus my dad ~ who had escaped ( :
1st is my cousin, followed by my 1st born son. Then you have my brother, my husband, and the little guy upfront is the baby of the family (but I don't let him hear me say that).


Here I am (with no make up GASP) and my gorgeous daughter! Neither of us usually wear glasses, but she's on this big Sarah Palin kick, so hey... gotta go for the look, right?

5.Jackie-O
No, it's not about the politics... the girl's got style!




Hmm. Now as for tagging 5 people, I'm going to pick on Javamama, halfmoongirl,
Emily, andysbetty, and the 5th pick? YOU!

BTW, I can't figure out why my family pics are blurry. I messed around with them for over an hour, and I just can't seem to get them to submit! AHHH. Anyway, I'll try to get the in focus later 'cause right now my computer is definitely NOT one of the 5 things I love ):

In Reply To an Old Friend

This post is a public reply to a comment left on my last post.

Elaine, since you publicly posted your personal letter to me on my blog (rather than an e-mail), I am assuming you want a public reply. If that is not what you intended, please tell me and I'd be happy to remove this post.

As a comment to my last post you wrote:

Maybe it is because the bitterness that has been building up. Is starting to show on the outside. Honestly Karly. You never respond to emails. Your last few blogs have become very bitter. I can feel your contempt for the human race (all of us) in your words.
If that is how you come across to your fellow town members, why on earth would they even want to deal with you?
Why do I even read your blogs? Because years ago, you were a very dear friend. I know, you just tolerated me. I'm not stupid. Yet I liked going to the womens groups with you and was even saved at the prayer group. Something I thought would never happen in my lifetime. That was HUGE to me.
Now, everytime I tried to set up a time to come visit, it was always something. You had moved away and didn't have to entertain my friendship any longer.
Bottom line, I was rejected.
Is that how you treat your fellow town members?
Still your friend
Elaine

OUCH! I sit here in awe of this comment. Contempt for the human race? Bitterness?

When one writes a blog it is hard to portray the correct tone. My heart was in no way bitter during my last few posts. My political posts are usually written either with sarcasm or a heart of great concern. I have strong beliefs that I will NOT apologize for. My opinionated nature is, and always has been a big part of who I am. With a title like Conservachick, one should expect this to be a political venting ground. I also don't share my blog with my community. With my husbands position, I have to keep quiet more than I'd like to. Posting serves as a "safe" place to share my thoughts.

As for my last post, the point was to honor my husband as MY hero! I wrote the post mostly for him and guess what... it made him feel loved, respected, and honored. Was I surprised that no one stopped? Yes. However I do not for one moment think it is because I am cruel or "bitter" towards them. People are busy. Chivalry is dying in this "me" focused culture of ours. That disappoints me.

Honestly Elaine. Men seldom open the doors any more, give up their seats, etc. I find this everywhere. Maybe there is an secret international "let's hate Karlie (because of her contempt for humanity) club", but I doubt it. My guess is that ANYONE would have been left standing there on the side of the road.

I am a sarcastic, political, strong willed person Elaine. You know that, but I LOVE the human race. That IS why I care so much. I definitely sin, have bad thoughts about others, whine, and yes... occasionally gossip. I am human. Still, my primary goal in life is to serve God, and that means to serve and love others. While I am tempted to go into the things God has me doing to reach out and love those around me, I feel it would be wrong. My good works are not of my own doing, but of God alone. Still, please know that while I often stumble, my greatest desire is to serve.

Now Elaine, I feel I must apologize for not keeping in better touch with you. My lack of correspondence is in no way a rejection of you. I have not seen one, not ONE of my Washington friends since I have moved. I'm lousy at Christmas cards, even my own relatives get irritated by my lack of response to e-mails. I still love my old friends (you included), I just get overwhelmed with 4 kids, a social husband, church, work, volunteering, and quite honestly, the people God has placed on my heart right here in my very own town. Even blogging (the ONLY way I keep in touch with old friends) often takes a back seat to my busy life, which is why I often go months at a time without posting. With all of my excuses, I still feel terrible that I have not been better about keeping in touch. So Elaine, I AM sorry.

On a last note Elaine, I never just tolerated you. Your friendship was always very real to me. As I have moved around I would often tell people of an old friend I have who is the most loyal person I have ever met. I was talking about YOU. We may be very different from each other, but I always found beauty in you unique personality! And hey, we also had many things in common, like vegetarian food, motherhood, music and art! While our friendship has entered a different season, I have not stopped caring about you.

Elaine, your salvation was very precious to me. I pray that even though I can't be there to watch you grow in your walk with God, you continue to seek his voice and know his love. I am sorry I can't be who you want me to be, but people will always let you down. Our Father however will never reject you, never ignore you, never let you down. NEVER!

With love, Karlie

Chivalry IS Dead...Well Almost

I know, the title of the post is so cliche', yet when I needed a Knight in Armor to help me as I was stranded on the side of the road with a flat yesterday. Not a single one arrived.
I was SHOCKED! Here is why:

1. I was stranded on the side of the highway that connects the two "small" towns that we live between. Hundreds of vehicles passed me.

2. I was there for over an hour, fumbling with a car jack, looking quite clueless.

3. I look VERY girly. I'm not one of those tough looking girls that could use power tools or something. I wear dresses and make up and am sadly not at all buff. One of my best friends IS however one of those buff power tool kinda girls, and she WOULD have stopped.

4. I was driving a little white chick car (my husbands words not mine).

5. Here is the big one... Dozens of cars that drove by KNEW ME. Anyone that knows me could easily guess, I don't know how to change a tire (or even know where to find my car jack). They could have guessed that I was on my way to pick my kids up at school (as I was only 2 miles away from it and the school day was about to end).

Not ONE person stopped to see if I needed help. Not one offer of a phone call. Nothing. I actually had several people stop me later and ask how the car troubles went (because they saw me stranded on the road). "Fine, no thanks to you!" Didn't actually say it, but I thought it REALLY hard.

Now I can't change a tire, but I'd like to think if I saw a woman on the side of the road, I'd at least stop and ask if I could call someone. I HAVE stopped before for an elderly couple, and my husband stops for EVERYONE!

My mother raised both me AND my brother to think of others in need. To this day I am still amazed by the way my brother will reach out to help a stranger. So I guess I foolishly have the same standards for others.

This entire experience brings back memories of our last flat tire several years ago. We were on the way to my mom's house for the weekend and traveling along the Washington State freeways. We had 4 kids and a cat in our mini van. The tire blew and we ended up on the side of the freeway trying to put on a spare. Again no one stopped. Nearly an hour passed as the cars zoomed by, and all I could think was "people suck". Then finally a small pick up truck with an old Asian man pulled up behind us. My heart swelled. I thought to myself, "so this is what a TRUE hero looks like"! As he got out of his truck, he turned away from our vehicle unzipped his pants and peed. Yup, you heard me right. HE PEED! Then he hopped back in his truck and drove away. I can't even share my thought with y'all on this one. I'm trying to keep my blog rated PG-13 here.

Now we get to the "Well Almost" part of the title. Someone did come to my rescue. Someone called the school, got my kids, picked me up, replaced my flat, AND bought me cold meds (I forgot to mention I was quite sick during this whole ordeal). The REAL hero of this story is my husband.

So, while it may seem that Chivalry is dead, there ARE a few knights in shinning armor still out there (or maybe knights in business suits wearing Tommy Bahama cologne). Oh and yes, he DID change my tire in his suit!

I know my husband, and he didn't only come to my rescue because I'm his wife, that's just what he does. Like I mentioned earlier, he stops for EVERYONE. I can't tell you how many times we have been late because he stopped by the side of the road to help a commuter in need. I LOVE that about him. In a world with so few willing to take the time... I married one of the last true heroes!

Deception

Well, I'm sure y'all could have guessed that "Conservachick" is not all that happy about the way the elections turned out. I wasn't surprised, but that didn't take the sting out of it.

I guess I'll fess us and admit I cried. Not as much because Obama won and McCain lost, but because of the Christians that voted for him.

Numerous Christian friends and family members hopped on the Obama band wagon, seeking.... Change? Comfort? Just going along with the crowd? I do not know. No one can give me a "real" answer.

What really bothers me about this is the state our church is in. If so many members of our body can so easily gloss over the fact this man stands AGAINST God, against scripture and Christian values and still vote for him, what a sad state we are in.

The guy is charismatic and polished and makes big promises he can't back up. If Obama can so easily deceive so many of our own, how are we going to fare when the Antichrist comes? NO, I am not in anyway implying that Obama is the Antichrist, but I think there are some very good lessons (and warnings) about deception here.

The Bible says:

'for many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah.’ They will deceive many' Matthew 24:5

'Beware of false prophets which come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly they are ravening wolves.’ Matthew 7:15

This scares me. People that I love are turning away from God in favor of "false prophets". Where is the church headed?