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Thursday, July 26, 2007

Considering More

I don't know what's up with me right now, but I have suddenly developed a desire for another baby. Everywhere I look I see babies. I slow down in the diaper isle, read baby advertisements with new interest, I even have been dreaming about them!
5 years ago, we had our 4th child, and at 26 years old, we decided we "should" be done. SO my dear husband went off to "get fixed". Now at 30 I find myself suggesting to him that maybe he should get "unfixed". I think he'd be OK having more children, but the idea of getting "unfixed" doesn't appeal to him.. I wonder why????
I don't want to nag him.... but.... I want another baby SO bad!!!! He has fessed up to wanting more, but he sees an unguaranteed costly reversal operation as money unwisely spent. Ugh, frugal husbands... Yeah, can we get some divine intervention here? I'm praying he has a change of heart, but I'm not crossing my fingers. Maybe it's just a phase, and it will soon pass, but if not? Will I dream babies until I'm 50?

23 comments:

reallyniceday said...

I heard that when you want one more and have it then you're done. Does that make sense? Maybe I quoted it wrong. I saw a billboard here in KC that said "Reversal guaranteed." With money back I'm assuming. You could come get a reversal, visit us and go home with a little "souvenir."

What a plan!

marykathryn said...

I think almost everyone I know is either wanting to get pregnant or already is..hehe
I think it will probably always be a back and forth decision with me.
Good Luck with your decision!!

ConservaChick said...

Reallyniceday,
Hmm, I may take you up on that. I have family in Wichita, but hey, you'd be much more fun than family!!!! Anyway, I wouldn't have just 1 more... too much of a gap after #4. I'd at least have 2.

Marykathryn,
Here people think I'm crazy for wanting #5. I think if I was around lots of preggo ladies or ones wanting to be it would just fuel my "baby cravings" (oh, that almost sounds morbid) hehe.

nsremom said...

Adoption is God's perfect 'religion'....ya know, there's some kids that could use that love that you have and the $$ that you would have spent on the reversal could go towards that.

The whole 'bio' verses 'adopted' thing? it's only biology that separates them afterall.

and as I heard once....if biology was that important...why did we fall in love with our husbands?

'cause love transcends biology, that's why.

my never to be humble .02. :)

EM

Trina said...

Ohhhh I totally understand that questioning you have in your heart! Its a big deal, but at the same time so natural. I can understand why you would want 5..hehehe People who dont know me think Im crazy, but my friends are all very very supportive and that feels really good. All children are a blessing! Let us know if something changes for ya! *wink wink*

Cindy said...

I wanted #5 and #6 badly for YEARS. However, hubby wasn't feeling it; especially after the big V. We hope to adopt or foster sometime in the next few years. Maybe that is the road God will lead you down- no reversal required. :)

midwifemom said...

I am 3 also. I have 2 children myself. I always thought that I would have more by the time my youngest was 5. He is now 9. I have been single most of that time. But I am hearing the biological clock very loudly. I have dreams about breastfeeding and childbirth. For me the big iffy part is finding a decent husband who wants children. We do not have an abundant source of good men here.
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/midwifemom/

Pastor Paul said...

I know of at least three men who didn't need the operation. Unfortunately, it took around 10 years for the next little person to pop out. My youngest two siblings are two of those... 11 and 13 years after me.

EEEEMommy said...

When my husband had the surgery, we prayed a ton! He was more convinced than I and I had to give him up to God and let go. That was tough! But we had decided that even if we decided we wanted more, we would pursue adoption. So far we haven't personally, but I wouldn't be surprised if God laid that on our heart at some point. Until then, we've been able to lend support to some college friends who actually CHOSE NOT to even try to have their own kids and adopted 3 from Liberia instead. God could be giving you the desire to have a baby in order to turn your heart toward adoption too.

Carl said...

Sorry...I'm afraid this comment will get me in trouble :-) Please be gentle to this wretched sinner that I am.

Have you and your hubby sat down and discussed the possibility that getting the vasectomy in the first place could have been against teaching in scripture regarding accepting children as a blessing of the Lord?

(((Ducking under the table to keep from getting hit)))

I'm the first to admit that for years my wife and I just considered it "up to us" to determine the size of our family. However, after searching scripture on how God's Word says how children are a blessing, be fruitful and multiply, the Lord opens and closes the womb, children are a heritage of the Lord, we have come to the conclusion that it is up to the Lord to determine the size of our family.

(((Sliding under table again)))

I know that many others won't share this view. I know that the Bible doesn't say in these exact words "birth control is a sin" but it says so much about children being a blessing that I've been convicted that the Lord doesn't intend us to artificially control our family size.

Sorry for the long comment...I'd just suggest that you and hubby sit down and pray and search scripture before going to get a reversal.

With all that said...I hope you do decide to have more kids and may the Lord increase the size of your quiver. Psalm 127:3-5

I'd suggest a quick read through this article from QuiverFull Ministries...it may help. Also, my wife really enjoyed reading Be Fruitful and Multiply by Nancy Campbell. That book really helped to cement in the thoughts we had from scripture regarding children.

(((Don't hurt me...)))

God Bless,
Carl

javamamma said...

I go back and forth on 'do I want another baby - NO, I don't want another baby'. I've decided boredom has triggered this.

My youngest will turn 4 in 2 days. They really don't need you right in their faces when they get to be 4 and 5, ya know? There's something I miss about being 'needed' constantly.

On the other hand, there's something extremely freeing about not being needed constantly. Oh the torturing battle of the mind and emotions!

Halfmoon Girl said...

we are definitely done at 4. We both have peace about it, which we didn't have until little M.

that 's tough one. How much for reversal. Adoption was really expensive for a few of our friends- they adopted internationally.

I love babies, so I am feeling for you. I think having 2 more would bea good idea too so that they have each other.

Prayer is the best answer, isn't it?

Mrs. Darling said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog.

You ask if you will want children till your 50. I doubt it. Lol

I wanted children so bad that I went through 7 years of fertility workups, three surgerys, and invitro to have mine. My last one was born when I was almost 41. I have three children now and no desire to have more. I cant believe it since I wanted kids so badly just a mere 6 years ago. But I think God takes care of that urge. By 50 you're looking at menopause and you're far more tired than you are in your 20's and 30's and having a newborn loses its appeal for most. Nature has designed it so.

Another thing that might change your mind is when all four of yours become teenagers. When my oldest went through the teen years I realized I knew nothing about child rearing! LOL So I guess Im trying to say that if teenagers and menopause don't take away your desire for a baby than Id go ahead and have one...like at age 55! LOL

ConservaChick said...

Nsremom,
Adoption HAS crossed my mind...

Pastor Paul,
That's just the kind of miracle I'm hoping for!

Carl,
I have no desire to beat you (+;. In fact I waver back in forth between believing what you just wrote, and the other opinion... God putting it in our heart when we are "finished". It's a hard one. But with that said. I favor big families and respect those who have 15 kids (although I don't always want to be them!)

Javamama,
Maybe it's the baby turning 4 or 5? Could we really be wishing for constant neediness?

Mrs. Darling,
My 11 year old is testing my patience these days... but I so miss her sweet baby days!

Rhen said...

We had our 6th in March and were both convinced she would be our last. I am 31 years old. My kids are almost 5 months, 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10. I don't want to have a geriatric pregnancy (age 35 and older). But now that we have really considered doing something to stop having kids we are reconsidering it. We don't want to take away options if God doesn't have that for us. I pray God gives you both strength and guidance in this whole matter.

All for His glory, ~Rhen
http://yestheareallmine.wordpress.com/

ConservaChick said...

Rhen,
Geriatric seems too harsh a word for 35, especially when that is only 5 years away for me LOL!

call*me*kate said...

Excuse me? Geriatric pregnancy is age 35 and up? I'm a bit miffed. I had my 3 kids at 32, 35(!!) and 38!! O.k., I'm over the miffed bit but, come on, once you hit 40, you stop feeling like you're getting older and start thinking, "Hey, I'm still young!" I know I'm the "older blogger" here and at HSB but that just means I have more wisdom to share (yeah, right!) Anyway, back to the desire to have another baby. It could be a fleeting desire, triggered by the realization that your children are becoming more independent, thinking more on their own. Or it could be from the Lord. I'm a lot of help, huh? This is such a personal issue, my feeling is that only God can help you here (duh!) Pray, pray, pray. God knows what's best for you and if your family is, in fact, complete, may He diminish your desire. We feel that 3 is just fine for our family, I do not desire another baby though there are times I miss some aspects. But I look at this time in our lives as the next step, where the kids are all able to do so much and understand life better. And they are all potty trained! My dh and I have discussed adoption in the past and even foster care but for now, we are in agreement and at peace with our family. Yes, my dh had the "procedure" just days after I gave birth to my youngest. We were both out of sorts for weeks! Bad timing! I'll keep you in prayer as this decision is difficult. God bless you and your husband!

Kate

Rhen said...

I know! Geriatric, yeeesh! LOL But it is not my word. Talk to the medical profession. It is their fault! :)

All for His glory, ~Rhen

chickadee said...

26 is so young to get fixed! someone should have stopped yall. i want another and i'm nearing40.we are not fixed but maybe too old! good luck with all that.

ConservaChick said...

Kate,
Naw.. Your not an "older" blogger, I just had kids insanely young.
Chickadee,
Honestly, I think if we ant babies we should have them until we can't... A dear friend of mine just had #6 at 42, and i would NEVER consider her too old. She's AWESOME! BTW... yes 26 was young, but we had a list of people 20 deep pressuring us to stop having children.

Irritable Mother said...

Well, my dad "got fixed" after I was born. When I was seven years old, my baby brother was born...No reversal op for my dad!
God can do it, you know! *grin*

Belle-ah said...

LOL...we have friends who just had baby #5 AFTER his reversal (obviously God could correct THAT). (((hugs)))

Carl said...

Update to my earlier reply...we've fallen of the face of the earth (too much to go into right now) but I've been convicted that my earlier reply was too harsh and I repent of that. I've been moved that there may be a time where it is ok for a vasectomy where the best interest of your spouse is involved. We've been having a really rough time these last weeks of #5 pregnancy with required bedrest and I can see where it would be my responsibility as a good steward of my spouse to not put her through this again. That's a bit rambling, but I hope it helps.

God Bless.