Gossip!!!!

Before I start this "Gossip" post. I need to do one of my infamous disclaimers....

* I do not have multiple personality disorders. A little crazy, yes. But, only ONE personality.*

So, have I peaked your curiosity?

After Christmas break, we are putting our kids BACK in public school. Yes, you heard me right. (Now look back at my disclaimer, quick, before you form judgment).

Unlike last time, We feel VERY good about it! AND YES...IT'S A GOD THING!

My next post will go more into it, and probably be long and arduous. Lot's of confessions about disobeying out of fear, bowing in to peer pressure (adults are not immune), and the REAL reason I decided to homeschool again this year. Scandalous I tell ya!

Why Do My Domestic Moments Contain Beer?

I am having an oddly domestic moment here. They are rare, so I thought I'd better get this idea down before the moment passes.....

I don't usually do recipe posts, but I thought this one was too good not to share! I have occasionally purchased Beer Bread mixes and you can pay BIG bucks for these. Tastefully Simple (a home party thing) sells them for $6.99.. ouch! Oh but they are SO good.

On my quest to be more frugal (it doesn't come naturally) I discovered this recipe for a Beer Bread mix. It took me less than 5 minutes to prepare the mix from scratch. It came out PERFECT, and tasted exactly like the Tastefully Simple version!

Beer Bread Mix

Mix
3 cups sifted flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
¼ cup sugar

~~~~~~~~~
1 (12 oz) bottle beer*
¼ c melted butter

Preheat oven to 375
Add beer to mix and stir (do not over stir)
Batter will be lumpy
Spread batter into greased 9X5 loaf pan
Pour melted butter over batter
Bake 50 – 55 min
Cool for 30 minutes


*You can also use soda instead of beer, but it’s not nearly as good, and while my kids were acting drunk after eating it, I informed them that ALL the alcohol cooks out. Miraculously, they went back to normal.

I put some mix in cute Christmas bags with the instructions. It was adorable, much better looking than the purchased version. I think I'll make up a few for Christmas gifts for the neighbors!

Crazy Family Members and Thanksgiving Just Don't Mix

Me and the Hubster.... Surviving Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is always a touchy event in my family. It's the one holiday where we blend my family and my husbands for a mix that is often caustic.

My parents are extremely conservative in the in your face Rush Limbaugh sort of way. Which is great when it's just us, 'cause I like Rush, only my dad likes to drink... alot, so he doesn't quite always remember that I threaten to disown him each year if he talks about politics on Thanksgiving.

My husbands folks are LIBERALS. Which is a dirty word in our house 364 days a year. All except Thanksgiving when we KEEP OUR MOUTHS SHUT!

Add to the mix my "odd" brother who just likes to argue with EVERYone's point of view (and is usually stoned) and my male cat with the "girly meow" that we named Ralph Nader ('cause he's just so off) and we have The kind of Holiday movies are made of.

This year. Things went surprisingly well. I don't know if it was prayer, or my threats that finally worked, but everyone was pretty well behaved!

My brother DID show up in a vintage brown velvet 3 piece suit (and looked a little bit like he belonged in the cast of Boogie Nights).

My dad DID bring several bottles of wine.

My in laws DID spontaneously burst into song at the dinner table (that alone is a MAJOR strike against them... a couple that spontaneously sings loud songs at the dinner table with guests??? Hello, am I the only one who thinks this is odd?). The song WAS about burning the White House down. (I was praying so hard that my dad wouldn't loose it that I think I slipped into tongues). But he didn't (thanks to the wine, I think he was too far gone into his "happy place" to care).

My oldest daughter when asked by my in laws about boyfriends loudly proclaimed (I'm saving my heart for Jesus). YEAH! Then when my in laws started talking about needing luck, she said, "you don't need luck, you need Jesus!" Preach it sister! This momma is proud. Then as we went around the table sharing what she was thankful for she said, "that we can worship Christ freely in this country". YES YES YES! My 5 year old son said he was thankful for his girlfriend (I guess you can't win them all ).

The night ended on a positive note. And that my friends, is what I am thankful for! Only the power of prayer can make an evening go so well with a drunk redneck republican, two mega Liberal wiccans, a stoned young man who looks like a 70's porn star, a Jesus preachin' 11 year old girl, and a gay cat named Nader. God is good!

Here's my Bro. I love him in all of his 70's splendor! This picture pretty much says it all when it comes to his personality!

New Friends, and a Really Cool Gal

I added some new friends to my side bar thingy. Go check them out! If your not on there, and darn it you think you should be, don't be hurt. I'm on dial up (cursed country life) and it takes me forever to do anything on the computer. I still have a few more bloggers to add, but knowing me, it'll be months before I get around to it.

I've wanted to start highlighting some of my "bloggy" friends ('cause I love y'all so much). So, in no certain order I will occasionally pick one of you to tell the world why your blog is SO awesome!

One of my favorite bloggers is most definitely http://reallyniceday29.blogspot.com/
I have met two bloggers that are so much like me they could be my long lost twin and this girl is one of them. We have so much in common, it's crazy! She is a total kindred spirit.

She's one of the coolest bloggers I've met. Always living her life on the edge for Christ!

She is a hostess to guests from all around the world. She understand the importance of great snacks. She is very deep and talks about cool stuff like conspiracies, and end times.. ooohh it's good stuff I tell ya. Yet she is SO real!

She has one of my favorite characteristics in a blogger. The girl is political! YEAH! I never tire of reading about her newest mission to change the world for Christ.

She's also kind, and transparent, and her blog has the cutest kid pictures ever. You can tell by her pics that she herself is gorgeous.

Kari, I respect you more than you know. Your friendship is a true blessing to me. ~Karlie

Televangelists.... Stink Free Poop (for a price)

Joel Osteen, (see, he's gone!) ,and the Feel Good movement. My Berean nature wants to rip into that one!

Our country needs outreach. Endless crowds of people pack these Mega churches, yearning for something more. Christ. But... a Christ that doesn't offend. No conviction here. Just shiny happy people in pretty polished places... who never leave the bottle of watered down "formula gospel", and never learn that even in our "happy feel good places" some things are sin.

All the "free" love is bringing me back to my Grateful Dead and Rainbow Gathering days. Where the outside was always loving and accepting of EVERYTHING, but the fruit of that sin left tears and agony once the hype of the "show" (service) was over.

It would be so easy to dismiss this kind of church completely, but I have a friend... One who has been trying to know God for several years. Now I couldn't get her to come to church with me if her life depended on it. Yet I received a phone call a while back. "Hey, I like that Joel Osteen guy. I can really relate! I am faithfully watching him every night." Whoa! Isn't a little watered down gospel better than starvation? I mean, she's getting some good from this, right? Could this maybe lead to more? Is she changing her ways? No, not yet, but maybe one day. Could God be using this televangelist? Or is Satan? I really don't know. If the guy is bringing souls to the lord.... it's GOTTA BE GOD! Hmmmm. Makes me think. What are YOUR thoughts?

On a slightly different note. My kids and I turned on TBN the other day ('cause I love big hair) and a preacher was on asking for money (no.. not on TBN, couldn't be) anyway, he was saying "I hear the Lord talking right now, he's saying that if you have enough faith to send me money RIGHT NOW, God is going to keep you healthy for year (because God only heals if you pay him, right?), AND you get this plastic angel pin for your gift of $100 or more. WOW, a year of health AND a plastic angel pin, this televangelist MUST be anointed. My super fantastic 11 year old daughter chimed in with her best southern evangelist voice and said. "and if you send me $1000 your poop won't stink for a month! Can I get an Amen?" To which the rest of my children chanted "AMEN!"

Oh she gets it. I'm raising her well. You know you have arrived as a parent when your child understands the money driven futile promises of the Televangelist are B.S.

Old Lady Diapers and Tampon Stocking Checker Boys

Yesterday I was at the store with my two boys. (Right there you should know this post is going in a bad direction.) So.... I walked over to the "feminine isle". My 7 year old son in his loud voice (why does he have to talk so loud all of the time?) said "Mom, why are we on the old lady diaper isle?" (A crowd is growing) "Um, son, these aren't old lady diapers." He ignores me and his eyes get big as I put one in the cart. "MOM" he continues "You wear old lady diapers?" (why is the checker boy always stocking the tampons?). "No son, these are special things for girls, and we will talk about it later". (The crowd of people start to giggle). This is where my dear five year old chimes in. "Yeah, I've tried those diapers on before, but they kind of fit funny so I put them on my arms and made floaties for the bath... only they don't float."

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Why? Why? WHY do I take my boys out in public places?

And The Bad Parenting Continues....

When I wrote my last post, I had several people in mind, but there is one particular mom, that makes my blood boil more than most. Really, this is the parent who has the naughtiest kids, yet is sure they can NEVER do wrong.

Now it would figure, that my humiliating "bad kid" moment of the week would involve an altercation between her 8 year old boy and my 5 year old son.

During gymnastics the mom's all sit around watching their daughters while the siblings play in the other room. I could see the boys out of the corner of my eye as this woman's 8 year old son pushes my 5 year old around. His mom was watching saying things like "look at how strong my boy is". UGH! Anyway, as I got up to go save my 5 year old from this bully, the 8 year old came in crying to his mother. "Mom, G*** called me a bad name and it really hurt my feelings. " His appalled mother looked at me in disgust (this is where I take my cue to go discipline my son).

I go and track him down and ask him if he called this boy a name. My son said "yes mom, but he pushed me, and laughed at me, then made me eat his ABC (already been chewed) gum." "I understand that you are angry, but you are going to have to apologize." "But, mom, I'm NOT sorry". "I know, but you have to anyway." This whole time, we never covered the name he called this boy... I assumed it wouldn't come up again... whatever it was.

Anyway, we walked back into the room filled with all the gymnastics moms, staring at the drama no doubt. He walked over to the boy and his mother, red faced with anger and tears dripping from his eyes, he said in his LOUDEST voice, "My mom is making me say I'm sorry for calling you a PENIS FACE". Then he walks over next to me and starts laughing hysterically. Now me, being the really bad mom I am started laughing too. As the onlookers shook their head in disgust, I leaned over to my son and gave the mandatory speech. "Now honey, that kind of talk isn't appropriate, next time he hurts you, just punch him instead."

OK, that was my last Bad Parent post for awhile... at least I hope. My next post will be on something far more cheerful... Bulimia!

Back Talking, Butt Biting, Kid's With Horns

Are your kids perfect? Mine aren't. Seems like I'm the only "Christian" parent I know with less than perfect kids.

Sometimes I need to talk about how darn hard being a parent is. I want to lay it all out and say "this is where I could use some advice" or "how did you deal with this?, 'Cause we are having trouble". Only problem... No one else will fess up to having any problems.

Example 1: "My boys have been arguing more than normal lately." My friends reply "Sorry, can't help you, my boys don't argue.

Example 2: "My oldest daughter has started back talking, I need to curtail it." Friend's reply: "What? My children would NEVER balk talk me, they know better because we TRAINED them properly".

OUCH way to make me feel like I deserve the "Crappy Parent of the World" award.

Now, when these perfect kids come to my house, they argue and balk talk (must be in the air or something). So, I'm left with two possible conclusions. 1. I am the only parent in my church without perfect children, OR 2. They are all a bunch of liars.

Anyway, I need friends with kids who make mistakes (and admit it). Friends whose kid's fight, or bite butts, or froth at the mouth and grow horns when they don't get their way. (Don't ask about the butt comment... it's been a bad week.)

I need advice from people who have been there, or are in the thick of it! People who are not afraid to admit that their children have caused them to more than once to loose their temper (in a way that required an apology) or got so frustrated that they locked them self in their bedroom, curled up in the fetal position and ate fudgecicles. PLEASE don't tell me I'm the only one who does that.

Oh and if you have done something awful and irreversible, like let your kid watch Shrek, or owned a Harry Potter novel, or maybe even bought sugar cereal (gasp), even better! I get exhausted trying to maintain everyone elses standards on top of my own, so standards often slip... can anyone relate? Whether right or wrong. It would be nice not to be judged for my choices. I'm sure God's got that taken care of, thank you very much.

Also, if you yourself can confess to having a hard time maintaining "personal" perfection... I'll like you even more. Uh, hello, my name is Karlie and I stole ALL the Reese's Peanut butter Cups from my children's Halloween candy. I also only do laundry when we have no more underwear, and we've eaten fast food three times this week,"

So, if you are a imperfect mom, with imperfect children, let me know! You can share, or just "confess" without the details. I need to know you are out there!

Allegiance

At our local highschool, the Mexican immigrants are refusing to stand for the pledge of allegiance. They refuse to stand for the American flag. With their own Mexican flags high in their yards, and displayed from their cars, it's clear to see where there allegiance is.

My thoughts????? If they don't like what America stands for, they should GO BACK HOME.