Saturday, September 8, 2007

Week One

Well, we made it through the first week.

Day one... My husband came home to me crying, saying I was putting the kids in school.

Day two... My husband came home to the kids crying, saying "PLEASE DADDY, PUT US BACK IN SCHOOL."

Day three... I yelled at the kids, did all my laundry, ran around town like a mad woman.

Day four... The cats pooped in the fire place, my tire went flat and I spent 3 hours in Les Shwab waiting for them to fix it. Meanwhile my 5 year old son made friends with a Hispanic family and informed them it was OK that they didn't speak English, because he speaks Mexican! Then he proceeded to say Hubala humuna humuna. They didn't look too amused.
THEN I lost my 7 year old son. He said he was going to the bathroom. 10 minutes later, he's still gone, so we look in the men's bathroom... EMPTY. I look all around the tiny little tire store with no luck. I'm ready to lose it so I yell out his name. A grunty reply comes from the WOMEN'S bathroom. " Yeah mom, I'm in here pooping, and it's a big one". (He failed to read the sign on the door I guess). Well another 10 minutes later he comes sauntering out with his shorts crooked, patting his belly, with the biggest smile possible ( you know, the smile that says I just accomplished something great).
A few men who had greasy shirts and a little too much crack action thought my son was just great.
Then, an Asian family walked in and guess what! Yeah, I found out my 5 year old speaks "Chinese" too. Who knew?
My oldest daughter spilled popcorn all over the floor, my nine year old had gas. What do you do in that situation? Do you say"That terrible smell is coming from my cute little daughter, not me" Or do you just ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist? I never learned the answer to that in etiquette school. (Yes I DID go to etiquette school when I was 13, and NO I obviously don't apply any of it).
Finally the tires are done and as we leave I get the question "Hey? why aren't your kids in school." "Uh, yeah, we uh... homeschool." People of minority and men sporting crack everywhere have now joined in the anti homeschool movement thanks to me.

Day Five... We had our homeschool dessert picnic (I brought Oreos, because I'm so domestic and all). My sons introduced the homeschooled boys to the word "nuts" (I am still dying of embarrassment as I write this). My daughters openly said the the homeschoolers in this town are "so weird". (More embarrassment). I got signed up to head publicity for the group. Now admit it... THAT'S funny. Oh and I cheated on my "diet" and ate 2 lemon bars and a "few" cookies ( I lost count after 3).

Today... I got my hair done.

Tomorrow... We are going to our new Church! (The details in another post)

Monday... Still homeschooling. I'm not throwing in the towel just yet. We DID cover Communism, the Taliban, Afghanistan, the fall of Rome and how that relates to America thus proving the pertinence of history lessons, early Chemistry (my kids laughed every time I said "gas" so we focused a bit more on liquids and solids), the shifting of continents, Albania, the Azeri people, Islam (and why they hate us), PLUS 5 lessons of math, English, and reading for each child.
You have to admit, with the week I've had, I kicked the school's butt in the education arena. Now if I can just keep myself from loosing my mind, I may make it though week two. ~Karlie

PS. My son wants to be the Grim Reaper for homeschool harvest party. Since they already think I'm awful I think I'll let him go for it. I'll just say he's a bible character....Satan.


Anonymous said...

Ok, I am still laughing. Sorry it was such a yucky week. I am glad that your since of humor is still strong.

Hope next week is better.


javamamma said...

This is why you're a great homeschool mom - you're still funny. I would have turned into the Grim Reaper's wife after all that.

Grace to you, my friend!

Chelle said...

I'm sorry your weeks was so awful. Glad to see you still have your sense of humor. Praying this week is better for you!

Anonymous said...

Wow and I thought my first week was rough. At least you can still be funny about it- sorry I laughed a bit. I will pray this week goes better for you.

Anonymous said...

OH BLESS YOU! and please forgive me for the chuckle. I'm so glad I'm not the only one with weeks like that~did you then drink from the wrong wells and comfort yourself with chocolate? That's what I do~those Lindt balls in the black wrapper bring healing EVERY TIME! LOL! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

Halfmoon Girl said...

That post will be a favorite of mine for a long time to come! I feel such a bond with you after reading that. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. I will not feel so alone now. We start school tomorrow. Hopefully this time I won't threaten my kids to grab their shoes and march on down the street to the near by school.

Emily said...

crap happens.

and it never quits. :)

I'm amazed that you found humor in your crappy week. It must mean that you found SOMETHING valuable about it....right?

I've had crying weeks....many of them. you're so not alone. But doesn't the first week always stink?

EEEEMommy said...

It can only get better! :)

Melissa Stover said...

oh that was hilarious. all of it. and i think you are doing just great. if your son can already speak spanish and chinese, just imagine what you will accomplish in just a few short months!!

Gayle said...

The first few weeks back are H-E- double sticks. I have to keep reminding myself that. If I can just stick it out, then they forget all about the lazy days of summer and things start going smoother. It's when I take too many breaks, that EVERYDAY is liking starting over and it never stops. Hang in there! (I know you will.)

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

Sounds fabulous!! :) I think you are going to be the HIT of the homeschool co-op groups.

reallyniceday said...

You are absolutely a riot!

Meanwhile, I'm keeping tabs on HOMEWORK for KINDERGARTEN, 1st and 3rd grade from the time they get out of school until 7 or 8.

Blessings to you as you homeschool. I think I'm maxed homeschooling or public schooling. What's my deal?

Mrs. Darling said...

Girl you're cracking me up! YOu certainly did redeem yourself by those homeschool studies. If my daugher were interested in all that stuff she could pass gas in the tire store all she wanted and I'd be happy!

EE said...

You totally crack me up!
Sorry you had such a crappy week, but your readers can only hope this stuff continues;)

Anonymous said...

That is too funny, sorry. LOL Isn't it amazing how even in a week like that you can so put the public school to shame and teach your children so much?!
I had a "giving homeschoolers a bad name" moment as well. When I took the kids to gymnastics my Ms. Firecracker (age 7) was talking to two coaches. They asked her a public school question. She told them she is homeschooled. They asked what she learned that day. She said "I dunno". I just had to shake my head. We covered language arts, math and animal science that day. What in the world????? Later I asked her, in front of her daddy, about what she learned. She told daddy so much of what she learned that he was very impressed. Why did she NOT do that for the coaches???? Arrrggghhhhh!

Kimmie said...

Karlie you so need to take your "show" on the road. You are too funny, sit back and reread your week...I bet you'll think its a little (lot) funny too.

mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted

Gombojav Tribe said...

I give your narrative two thumbs up! Very entertaining stuff! (At least when one is reading it and not living it! LOL)

It WILL get easier, I'm sure. I hope. I'm hoping for my own sake, so I may as well hope for yours, too! :-)

randi said...

Haha! Keep on smiling and you will make it! Things get easier, I promise!

"My Little Wonders" said...

We are normal here, thank you so much for the post. I don't feel alone any more it my wild and crazy homeschool life. I had to tell you about my tooting ordeal at the DMV the other day. You know those plastic chairs they have and how it is so busy, well my 7 year old DD had gas, with the sound effects from the chairs,it just ripped and of course she was laughing so it bubbled out with every laugh, so I could not escape the thought of where it was from, we all heard it. Talk about embarrassed. I did have to laugh though, I suppose while others in there were cringeing at the whole but it was funny in a way too. A mothers work is never done and never without some sort of issues. Have a great homeschool year.
Blessings Lori

Mrs. Darling said...

Its Thursday and Im just checking in to see how things are going. Thinking of you.